Financial therapist Vicky Reynal reveals why some people find it impossible to save money

A client once came to therapy under the insistence of his desperate father.

“My son is useless with money,” he told me.

“He spends it all and can’t save a penny. In fact, it’s so bad, he goes through the allowance I give him within the first two weeks of the month.”

The son, whom I’ll call James, age 22, working part-time and living at home, was receiving an allowance from his dad to “make ends meet”.

With no rent to pay, the allowance seemed plenty to allow him to save. When he begrudgingly walked into my consulting room, I tried to understand what James’s spending was about.

There was no pattern: no compulsion to buy gadgets, no habit of eating out all the time, no addictions.

It was as if he was trying to get rid of the money as soon as it landed in his account.

“I bought two sets of headphones,” James told me when I asked where the allowance had gone last month.

When I asked why, he shrugged.

The question that unlocked his case was: “What happens when you run out of money?”

He told me he called his mother, who he hadn’t seen properly in years because she left to start a family with another man and had cut ties.

She would only communicate with her son when he was in financial need and asked for help.

This is a rather unique example, but it illustrates that there can be deep psychological blocks getting in the way of our ability to save.

Saving money is often less about financial know-how and more about addressing the emotional and psychological factors that drive our spending habits.

Whether it’s unmet emotional needs, childhood experiences, feelings of guilt, fear of exclusion, or a lack of belief in our ability to change, these barriers can make saving feel like an uphill battle.

By recognising and understanding these patterns, you can begin to reframe your relationship with money.

Ultimately, saving isn’t just about building wealth, it’s about creating a sense of security and agency.

Here are five emotional reasons YOU might find saving money hard:

1. You spend to address emotional needs

Many people can barely afford to meet their basic needs with their income.

However, there are plenty who could save money but don’t because they can’t manage their spending on non-essential items.

As a financial psychotherapist, I’ve heard plenty of people tell me: “I know I should be spending less; I know how to make a budget, but I just can’t seem to do it.”

Often, the reason is the spending addresses an emotional need and becomes difficult to manage unless the underlying feelings are identified and addressed.

“It all goes pear-shaped on Sunday afternoons when I go online and end up purchasing all sorts,” Martha, who is single, tells me.

Sundays are when she feels loneliest, imagining her 40-something friends in playgrounds with their kids or on romantic strolls.

The online shopping is part distraction, part self-soothing.

Of course, shopping doesn’t address her need for connection and meaningful relationships, so unless she finds a different way to cope with these feelings, it will be irresistibly tempting to spend.

Some spend to address their sense of not feeling “good enough”, buying clothes or having cosmetic treatments they think will make them more likeable or lovable.

Others spend to address their sense of inadequacy: they might always buy rounds of drinks or bring more presents than expected to compensate for how “little” they feel they bring to a party.

Stopping ourselves spending in these instances could leave us feeling vulnerable, so we resort to what we know helps us cope.

2. Your parents were frugal

Having parents who were strong believers in frugality, who struggled to enjoy money or didn’t have enough to be enjoyed, could leave one with a strong longing to have a different future than their past.

You might be determined to enjoy money in a way they didn’t or couldn’t afford to do.

Having managed to earn more than they did, you now find it irresistible to indulge and spend, rather than apply restraint and risk feeling like you did back then.

One of my clients, Sally, remembers being denied the “cute stationery” all her classmates had.

Now she can afford to spend on things she wants but doesn’t need, she feels a sense of freedom.

Meanwhile, Graham says spending was almost a rebellion against his parents.

“I don’t want to live like them where they only work to earn and not have fun. I want to enjoy my money.”

The reason people like Graham struggle to save is they feel they are not being true to this commitment when they are putting money away.

Saving evokes a fear that they are somehow turning into their parents.

For Graham it was helpful to think how we can each create our own unique way of balancing saving and spending and that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

3. You feel guilt at having money

Most people wish they could save more money.

However, I’ve met people who deep down feel emotional discomfort at the idea of having an abundant bank account.

This could have roots in a part of them that doesn’t feel deserving of wealth, so they find (consciously or not) a way to sabotage their finances to avoid guilt.

They might settle for lower pay, make unresearched or rushed investments, develop a gambling habit, or overspend.

For others, there’s something uncomfortable about doing better than their parents.

We might fear our father or mother’s anger, even if the rational part of us thinks it’s more plausible our parents would be proud of us for doing well.

4. Your fear of social exclusion

FOMO (fear of missing out) and lifestyle inflation are two common reasons why people fail to save.

FOMO is the anxiety that others are having fabulous experiences without you.

People have varying levels of sensitivity to it, and if you’ve had early experiences of feeling left out – maybe you felt like the outsider in your family or were bullied at school – you might feel it keenly.

You might address your fear by going along with what others are doing, even if you can’t afford it.

You might attend weddings you can’t afford, join every night out your peers organise, or spend on luxury items your friends discuss.

Lifestyle inflation similarly stems from social fears.

As one progresses in their career or social circles, there can be implicit pressure to “keep up” with the perceived lifestyle standards of peers.

This behaviour is often driven by a fear of social exclusion.

Over time, this cycle of spending to maintain appearances can escalate. Addressing these fears and redefining what success and belonging mean – in your terms – can help break this pattern.

5. You’re defeatist about the future

Many clients who have been unfocused about saving will often say “it won’t make much of a difference”, or “I don’t have enough to be thinking about saving”.

Sometimes this defeatist attitude masks an underlying lack of agency – a feeling that our actions won’t have much impact.

There’s often a complex mix of past experiences and distortions in our thinking.

You may value short-term rewards over future benefits, and financial illiteracy – not understanding concepts like compound interest – reinforces the feeling that worrying about savings is not worthwhile.

Many feel it is not worth even bothering.

This is particularly true for my younger clients who have watched their parents buy houses and build substantial pension pots – achievements that seem unattainable.

What needs to be addressed is the sense that they can never make a difference to their financial future.

While it might not be what they initially dreamt of, there is still plenty within their control.

Find a goal that is exciting enough – a holiday, a new car, an emergency fund.

Do some simple maths to see how saving a little every week could contribute, and start with small, achievable objectives (try saving $10 a week in the first month and build from there).

This might give you the motivation and impetus needed to see that you can make an impact.