BEN HARVEY: I don’t much like the royals, but here is why I’m still a monarchist 

Australian republicans were waiting with bated breath for a social faux pas by Charles and Camilla that didn’t come.

The King and Queen confounded their many critics, proving they were professionals.

They ensured their trip Down Under had the perfect amount of success — not so wildly triumphant that it might be considered show-boaty, but not so humble it lacked humanity.

It was a Goldilocks tour which set back the republican cause by another few years.

Good.

The further down the road, we can kick that constitutional can, the better.

Yes, I am a monarchist.

But not your usual type.

In my kitchen, you will find no tea towels adorned with William and Kate’s beaming faces.

My skin crawls any time I hear King Charles say “mummy” and the only Union Jack you will see in my house is on a Ben Sherman T-shirt.

I am an oxymoron; a monarchist who doesn’t particularly like the royal family.

I’m a monarchist because I cherish the stability and prosperity that Australia’s system of government has afforded us.

And that system is a constitutional monarchy.

Our peculiar brand of democracy — a hybrid of American and British system — has been the envy of the world since Federation in 1901.

We have enjoyed 123 years of wonderfully boring political steadiness.

We have never lost a political leader to assassination (despite what Harold Holt conspiracists say).

There has been no civil war (though some First Nations activists might argue this point).

The closest we came to a constitutional crisis was in 1975 when then-governor general John Kerr dismissed then-prime minister Gough Whitlam (an event which Australians endorsed when they awarded Malcolm Fraser a resounding majority at the ensuing election).

If Winston Churchill was right when he said “democracy is the worst form of government except for all those other forms that have been tried from time to time”, then Australian democracy is the best of the worst.

More than a century of precedents and pub tests have been applied to the three pillars of our political system — the Constitution, common law and legislation — and the result is a “vibe” coveted by much of the world.

That vibe, along with compulsory voting and the preferential nature of ballot slips, means our politicians must remain in the sensible(ish) centre in order to win government.

This is exactly where we want them because political extremism creates few winners.

Why would we jeopardise any of that by becoming a republic?

Are we really so infuriated at the thought of a foreign king as head of state that we are willing to throw the baby out with the bathwater?

Don’t believe for one second anyone who suggests nothing will control-F the Constitution and change “governor-general” for “president”.

At best that’s naïve crap, at worst it’s duplicitous treason.

Any tinkering with the Constitution opens the door to interpretation. Constitutional lawyers get paid in six-minute blocks so they have an interest in making trouble.

Dennis Denuto’s altruism is rarely seen in the High Court of Australia.

And what of our new president?

John Howard inserted a poison pill into the 1999 referendum by insisting any head of state was elected by politicians.

He successfully neutered the debate but Australians won’t come at that again. Our supreme leader will have to be popularly elected.

The popular vote doesn’t get you Sam Mostyn; it gets you Eddie McGuire.

Dollars, more than sense, will talk during a presidential election.

Instead of being ruled by a wealthy despot who resides in London, we’ll be presided over by one who lives in Vaucluse or Toorak.

Does anyone believe Malcolm Turnbull drove the republican movement in the 1990s for any reason other than his own desire to one day be president?

Does anyone believe he has relinquished that aspiration?

Shackle the new head of state with as many checks and balances as you want; he or she will still be immensely powerful.

They will have campaigned on a particular issue to win office, which means for the first time in this country’s history the person moving into Government House will do so with a political mandate.

Don’t be fooled; an Australian president will be neither benign nor benevolent.