CAMERON MILNER: Copacabana’s new resident Anthony Albanese is just a poor boy, from a poor family

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

Albo can’t quite believe that a faction hack from the NSW Left actually made it this far. How good is that clifftop mansion! As his mate Richo says: “whatever it takes!”

Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality

Well, not quite a landslide as a small target only gets you a small margin and the reality of the crippling cost of living gives no escape from the reality under Albo.

Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see

The clifftop retirement home, Albo’s very own Costalot with a new $100 million driveway courtesy of the long-suffering taxpayers of Australia.

I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy

Did I tell you I grew up as a houso kid and know what it’s like to struggle?

Because I’m easy come, easy go, little high, little low Any way the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me, to me

I’m go with the flow Albo, following, never leading, living the moment, more lucky than you will ever know, still can’t believe you fell for it, did someone say “Free tickets!”

Mama, just killed a man Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he’s dead Mama, life had just begun But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away

Yeah, the $4.3m negatively geared mansion was a touch over reach. But Jodie’s a Coastie and she made me do it!

Mama, ooh, didn’t mean to make you cry

Mum, if only you were here to see Copacabana is so, so much bloody nicer than Camperdown!

If I’m not back again this time tomorrow

Well at least I know where I’ll be retiring to!

Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

Lived my life by this motto.

Too late, my time has come

Yes, there’s an election within 180 days from now.

Sends shivers down my spine, body’s aching all the time Goodbye, everybody, I’ve got to go

Got to go to the Central Coast and soak nude in the love nest spa bath with sea views.

Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

I’ll be going full term to enjoy every last moment on Toto One. What? I’m not liked and my Voice got voted down in every State?

Mama, ooh (any way the wind blows)

That’s why some just call me Each Way Albo!

I don’t wanna die I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all

Empathy with the voters of Australia will only get you so far, Albo.

I see a little silhouette of a man

Ozempic Albo!

Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango? Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me (Galileo) Galileo, (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo Figaro, magnifico

King Charles, King Charles … look squirrel … nothing to see here!

I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me

Jodie, Tim, Penny, Tony. Why am I just so misunderstood?

He’s just a poor boy from a poor family

Houso kid, single mum, housing commission raised, houso kid.

Spare him his life from this monstrosity

It’s so unfair I can’t buy a McMansion at the end of a brand new taxpayer funded road.

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?

Yes good chance come 2025!

No, we will not let you go (let him go)

Teals and Greens cry out for minority balance of power!

We will not let you go (let him go)We will not let you go (let me go) Will not let you go (let me go) Never, never, never, never let me go No, no, no, no, no, no, no

The dilemma of every Labor MP, who with a simple majority vote, could punt this disgrace and elect a real Labor leader.

Oh, mamma mia, mamma mia Mamma mia, let me go

Voters certainly plan to!

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?

They did just that with the Albanese Voice, why would they vote any differently at the election?

So you think you can love me and leave me to die?

Punters already have, Labor’s primary vote barely has a 3 in front of it!

Oh, baby, can’t do this to me, baby

It’s actually their democratic right to.

Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

To the soundtrack of Barry Manilow that Comcar travels fast from RAAF Williamtown to the Copa, Copacabana … the hottest spot north of Havana

Ooh Ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah

Nothing really matters, anyone can see

Nothing really matters Nothing really matters to me

Yep we’ve known that for some time, the retirement home purchase was just further evidence

Any way the wind blows

“The voters of Australia have spoken, that’s why tonight I’m calling my close friend Max Chandler Mather, Allegra Spender, Zali … oh she lost too? Well, um Zoe, Zoe Daniels. Oh, apparently she conceded to Tim … well, Bob Hatter, that champion of North Queensland, let us talk about the Far Canal.”

Cameron Milner is director of GXO Strategies and a former ALP State Secretary with three decades’ experience on Labor campaigns