National day of mourning: Families mourn Bondi victims as pain from anti-Semitic attack remains raw

It is impossible to put a timeline on when normal life can resume for those who lost loved ones in the Bondi massacre.

Fifteen innocent people were killed and 41 more were injured in the anti-Semitic terror attack carried out on December 14, changing the lives of those involved forever.

What started as a community celebrating the first night of Hanukkah ended as the deadliest terrorist attack in Australian history, with Thursday marking a national day of mourning for the victims.

Jenny Rotyur lost her uncle Boris Tetleroyd in the attack, while her cousin Yaakov - Mr Tetleroyd’s son - spent weeks in hospital after surviving being shot.

She said the passing of time had only increased already intense emotion, with her and her aunt unable to turn their minds to anything else.

“We’ve all been running on adrenaline and stress, so we haven’t really had time for mourning or for really reflecting … we’re getting quite emotional as the days go by,” Ms Rotyur told AAP.

“It’s been distressing to see comments online stating ‘move on, get over it already’.

“It was a terror attack, and not only our loved one was murdered, my cousin was injured, and a lot of our friends were killed and or injured. It’s bigger than what people seem to think.”

Unbelievable grief

The family of Peter Meagher gathered for lunch on Sunday, on what would have been the retired police officer’s 62nd birthday.

Mr Meagher, also a beloved figure at the Randwick Rugby Club, had been working as a photographer at the Chanukah by the Sea event when he was shot dead.

“It was really the first time we had all been together since the funeral,” his brother David Meagher told AAP.

“Everyone’s doing quite well under the circumstances.

“It’s been a month now and the shock of it has subsided. We’re dealing with the reality of it.”

He recalled the first days as “quite unbelievable, to the point where I mean literally unbelievable, you just weren’t sure whether it was true or not.”

‘A fitting tribute’

A long-time journalist, David Meagher immediately knew intense media interest was heading his family’s way.

They released a press statement but then bunkered down, struggling to deal with the grief of such a public death.

“You don’t really know what to say to people. You don’t know what to say to your friends and to your family and so on - you certainly don’t know what to say to journalists,” David recalled.

On January 7, the Meaghers re-emerged for a funeral that packed Sydney’s St Mary’s Cathedral to its capacity, with dozens standing at the back of the historic venue to pay their respects.

The “runaway train” of a funeral saw many dignitaries - including Prime Minister Anthony Albanese, NSW Premier Chris Minns and Governor-General Sam Mostyn - attend, before the man better known as ‘Marzo’ was farewelled with a police guard down the heart of Sydney.

“We just kept saying ‘yes’ to these things … you were caught between thinking this is so public, and this has been taken away from us a bit,” David Meagher said.

“But it was also a pretty amazing thing in the end, to think our brother could have had a funeral of that scale and size. That in a way was a fitting tribute.”

Dreams haunt survivors

Rabbi Mendel Kastel, who lost his brother-in-law Rabbi Eli Schlanger, arrived at the scene of the terrorist attack soon after it had finished.

Supporting a Jewish community so viciously attacked, his personal grief became almost an afterthought in the weeks since.

“You’re so busy helping others that you need to stop for a bit and actually process your own grief as well,” Rabbi Kastel told AAP.

“Some people are still dealing with very severe injuries, and although they may have left hospital, are still requiring a lot of medical help to fully recover … and that’s just on a physical level.”

Rabbi Kastel referenced the psychological damage almost certain to be felt by those present for quite some time.

Ten-year-old girl Matilda and her six-year-old sister Summer attended Chanukah by the Sea together - tragically, Matilda would become the attack’s youngest casualty.

Summer survived, and her mother Valentyna Poltavchenko revealed she had suffered many nightmares since seeing her sister killed.

“She dreams about shootings everywhere - in the local park, at school … in one of her dreams, Matilda got shot but survived, but (Summer) was killed,” Ms Poltavchenko told the ABC.

“She doesn’t want to sleep in their bedroom … I feel like she’s matured a few years in the last 30 days.”

‘Care and support’

Anger, despair, grief - Rabbi Kastel said the specific emotion felt by the Jewish community was impossible to isolate.

“The one thing that’s common is a sense of community and support, looking after each other and trying to provide as much comfort as possible,” he said.

“We’re finding that even beyond our community, the number of messages of care and support has just been really wonderful.”

Rabbi Kastel was in Parliament House on Monday, where politicians made what pledges they could to ensure a similar attack would never happen again.

In a condolence speech, the prime minister acknowledged the Bondi attack shattered any idea Australia was immune from large-scale terrorism.

“Bondi Beach changed that, forever ... we must face that unforgiving truth and we must learn from it,” Mr Albanese told parliament.

“We must channel our anger into meaningful action to ensure an atrocity such as this can never happen again.”

And yet life goes on.

David Meagher said he’d rarely been so happy to be back at work and have his mind occupied elsewhere.

Rabbi Kastel and his family have been busy planning his son’s wedding in a few weeks’ time.

“What we really need is to see things change on the ground so people can feel a lot more like we’re coming back to the Australia we’ve always known,” Rabbi Kastel said.

“A country of friendship, of mateship, of looking out for one another.”

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