CNBC: The three red flags of ‘highly insecure’ people at work

You’ve probably encountered an insecure person at work — perhaps a gossipy coworker or a boss who constantly diminished your accomplishments.

Insecure people are one of the most difficult personality types to work with, and having too many of them can create a toxic work culture, says Harvard Business School professor Ranjay Gulati.

It can be hard to work with someone who overanalyses all of their decisions or is threatened by your success, but Gulati has some tips.

Red flags to watch out for

The first step to defuse a tense situation is to know how to spot the signs of a chronically insecure colleague.

Insecurity can drive negative self-talk and self-criticism in some, but at work, it can also manifest in harmful behaviours like putting others down to make themselves look more important, or setting someone else up to take the blame for a failure.

Here are the three most common signs of a “highly insecure” person at work, according to Gulati:

1. Benchmarking and competing with others
2. Seeking out constant approval and praise from their colleagues or boss
3. Indulging in self-victimization

These behaviours are all forms of external validation, which highly insecure people need to assuage their own doubts about their abilities.

For example, an insecure person may be overly competitive with colleagues to snag an important assignment, or to earn a boss’s compliment, so they’ll “stop believing [they] are the worst employee on the team,” Gulati explains.

Insecure people who have a victim mentality are “especially dangerous” to work with, Gulati warns, as they lack personal accountability and will often fault others for their misfortune, making collaboration “nearly impossible.”

Dealing with a highly insecure colleague requires patience, empathy and clear boundaries

How to handle a highly insecure person at work

Dealing with a highly insecure colleague requires patience, empathy and clear boundaries for when and how you engage with them, says Gulati.

Harbouring negative thoughts about them won’t help your relationship, so you want to strike a balance between being supportive and exercising tough love.

To do that, maintain a sense of positivity and composure when you interact with them, but gently re-direct the conversation if they start spiralling into negative self-talk or gossip.

“For example, you could say, ‘I’m sorry you feel that way, I’m sure the outcome will be better than you expect,’” Gulati suggests.

If they’re trying to goad you into gossiping about another co-worker, keep your professional distance. “You could say, ‘I haven’t had those experiences with [topic of gossip here], so I can’t add much to the conversation’ and change the subject,’” says Gulati.

Ultimately, if a highly insecure colleague drains and distracts you, it’s OK to limit your interactions with them. Wear headphones at your desk, politely excuse yourself from small talk, or do whatever you need to in order to protect your peace, says Gulati.

“You can help someone recognize their limitations or support them when they’re feeling anxious, but only to a point,” says Gulati. “To overcome your insecurity, you need to confront those feelings yourself.”