Psychologist reveals the 10 difficult conversations couples who truly trust each other always have

Trust is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. Without it, even the strongest emotional connection can feel unstable.

At its core, trust is having confidence that your partner is reliable, that they are someone who does what they say they will do. It has to be earned through honesty and emotional vulnerability over time.

As a Harvard-trained psychologist who focuses on relationships, I’ve found that partners who truly trust each other are willing to lean into difficult conversations. Here are 10 things they regularly talk about, even if it’s uncomfortable for them.

1. Money

Managing finances is one of the top reasons couples fight, and one of the most important topics to discuss. Partners who trust one another talk about everything from the shared budget to who will pay for what (and when) to financial priorities that lay the groundwork for spending.

2. Sex

Every person brings a different background, set of desires, and expectations into the bedroom. Trusting couples can speak honestly about what they like, what they don’t, and how to keep intimacy alive. These conversations are less about performance and more about connection and creating an enjoyable experience together.

3. Parenting

If you’re raising children together, chances are your parenting styles won’t match exactly. Couples who trust their partner give and receive feedback, adjust when necessary, and stay focused on raising kids based on shared values, not just individual preferences.

4. Painful past experiences

We all carry baggage. Whether it’s from childhood, past relationships, or personal trauma, couples who trust each other feel safe enough to be vulnerable about the experiences that shaped who they are today. They open up about painful experiences, not to be “fixed,” but to be seen and understood.

5. Time

Time is a finite resource. Couples in healthy relationships talk about how they want to spend it, both when together and apart. That includes expectations for quality time, travel, work schedules, and alone time. These conversations keep the relationship aligned and prevent misunderstandings.

6. Insecurities and shame

We all have insecurities and shame about things we’ve done: stupid decisions we’ve made, embarrassment about current choices, and even realities that we struggle to admit to ourselves because it hurts so much. When you trust your partner, you can tell them your deepest secrets without fear that they will reject or berate you.

7. Mistakes

When someone makes a mistake, like being late to a planned event or making a choice that is bound to undermine trust, couples who trust each other tell the truth. Even if a mistake is large and ruptures trust, each partner understands building a life based on lies eventually undermines the framework of the relationship itself.

8. Family

For most people, family members are among the most loved people in our lives. Yet, they also make for some of our most difficult relationships. Couples who truly trust each other talk about family dynamics, ask for help navigating challenging relationships, and support each other to make these relationships as healthy as possible.

9. Power struggles

Relationships inherently have power dynamics. Who makes decisions? Who compromises? Who leads and when? When in an argument, couples who trust each other navigate these power struggles together, engaging in a dance of intimacy. Sometimes they take a stand, and other times they back down in a respectful way.

10. Dreams and aspirations

Couples who trust each other are willing to share their aspirations and hopes for the future with each other, even the crazy or unlikely ones!

I always remind people that even the most connected couples aren’t perfect. They just know how to face imperfection and have hard conversations together — something that most people rarely do. And when that happens, it’s truly a gift.

Dr Cortney S Warren, PhD, is a psychologist and author of Letting Go of Your Ex.