The Washington Post: Friendships should be the most important part of your retirement plan not finances

When it comes to planning for retirement, your finances likely take centre stage. But preparing for the social transition can be just as vital.

Staying connected to others isn’t just linked to overall health and longevity — the people around you play an integral part in navigating the ups and downs of this new era of life.

“Relationships provide us with all kinds of cognitive, emotional and physical resources,” said Karen Fingerman, a psychologist and director of the Texas Institute on Dementia, Aging and Longevity.

They can offer stimulating conversation your brain needs to thrive, excuses to get out of the house, rides to the doctor and countless other tangible benefits, she explained.

Given how retirement can reshape everything from the structure of your days to your sense of purpose, planning ahead for something as important as maintaining relationships is one way to ease the transition.

But before you break out the social calendar, it helps to know some common challenges and opportunities you might run into.

How your social life may change in retirement

While researching for her book Retiring: Creating a Life That Works for You, psychologist Teresa Amabile and her co-author interviewed 120 soon-to-be and recent retirees, including 14 whom they followed closely for years.

“People underestimate the social changes that come with retirement,” she said.

The authors found four common ways relationships shift.

First, many bonds tend to deepen or improve when retirees are no longer working and have more time for spouses, siblings, adult children and grandchildren.

Casual connections grow, too: People get to know long-time neighbours during their new midday walks or rekindle friendships from much earlier in life.

“In general, we find consistently that relationships get better with age,” Dr Fingerman said.

“Even conflicted marriages, if they last, get less conflicted.”

That pattern could reflect emotional changes that come with age; one 13-year study followed 156 married couples discussing an ongoing disagreement and found that behaviours like defensiveness, belligerence and whining declined over the years, while humour, enthusiasm and validation increased, even in less satisfied marriages.

Other relationships end. As you might expect, work friends are common casualties; without shared projects, schedules or active effort to maintain regular contact, many professional bonds fade.

Moving or traveling extensively can weaken local ties, too, as can personal reflection during the transition.

“Some people use the opportunity to deliberately step back from relationships they’re better off without,” Dr Amabile said.

Certain close relationships have to be renegotiated, too.

Couples may have to work out how and where they’ll spend their free time and what they want to do together or separately.

Adult children might assume a retired parent is available for frequent child care, calling for discussions about expectations and boundaries.

Lastly, Dr Amabile found retirement brings about many opportunities for new relationships to begin, often in unexpected and satisfying ways: Tapping into old hobbies or trying new ones, getting involved in the community and participating in other activities that work may have crowded out.

Together, these changes can leave your social landscape looking very different than you’re used to — and that change can be for the better if you’re willing to put in the time and effort.

That’s where planning ahead can come in.

The goal isn’t to pack your future calendar or overhaul all your relationships. It’s more about figuring out how you’ll meet your social needs after retirement shakes up your life.

Dr Fingerman recommended aiming for a variety of ties — a healthy social life involves everything from close bonds with loved ones to casual contact with friendly strangers.

“The more diverse your social network, the better it is for you,” she said.

To get started planning for your social goals in retirement, experts recommend taking a few steps.

Identify the gaps and opportunities in your social landscape

You can’t predict everything, but it doesn’t hurt to consider what may lie ahead so you can choose where to focus your planning efforts.

Maybe you chat frequently with your colleagues, so you’ll need a new way to get social interaction during the day.

Or perhaps after dedicating so much time to your job, you want to prioritise strengthening your existing ties or building community outside your workplace.

On the other hand, brainstorm existing possibilities you might not have taken advantage of preretirement.

“Who might you reconnect with or spend more time with?” Dr Amabile asked, noting that many people she interviewed used social media to reach out to old friends or distant family.

Talk through the new terms

When it comes to relationships that need to be renegotiated, Dr Amabile suggested addressing potential changes and open questions sooner rather than later.

That could mean chatting with a close work friend about a few specific ways you could maintain contact — even going so far as to suggesting a monthly get-together at your go-to lunch spot, for example — or establishing what you and your spouse will do once you’re home together more often.

Dr Amabile warned the conversations can involve disagreement and compromise, flagging both logistical questions and wider expectations around retired life.

“It doesn’t have to be negative, but there can be a lot to consider,” she said.

“Sometimes people end up in surprisingly scratchy situations when they don’t have these conversations beforehand.”

Choose new recurring activities

Frequenting the same places and activities is a reliable way to pick up what Dr Fingerman dubbed “fringeships” in a 2025 academic article about connections that are more than an acquaintance but less than a friend.

These beneficial relationships support our well-being and are common in the workplace, so retiring often leaves a hole to fill.

Almost any recurring group can do the trick, whether it’s a book club, walking group, faith community, volunteer shift, board position or volunteer opportunity.

Even becoming a regular at your favourite local cafe, restaurant or library can work, especially if you stick to a regular schedule, like dropping in at noon every Thursday.

“If you consistently show up somewhere, you’re going to start seeing some familiar faces,” Dr Fingerman said.

Look to your neighbourhood

Retirement generally means spending more time at home, so your immediate surroundings can be an accessible part of your social infrastructure, Dr Amabile noted.

It’s worth investing in your local community for reasons beyond daily interaction: Research shows trust and helpfulness among neighbours is associated with decreases in loneliness and greater perceived support from friends.

Even small actions can foster a sense of community among neighbors, Dr Fingerman said, like saying hello during your daily walks, offering favours or inviting them for coffee.

One study found that performing a weekly act of kindness also eased loneliness and gave people a good excuse to interact with their neighbours in the meantime.

Find chances to knock out two birds with one stone

Your social life isn’t the only thing that changes when you retire. You might find yourself grappling with questions of identity and purpose, getting more sedentary or missing the structure or sense of accomplishment that work provided.

Rather than address each change separately, Dr Amabile said that some of the most satisfied retirees she’s seen tend to meet several needs at once.

If you miss being a leader, for example, you might mentor someone in your former field.

Or in taking care of your physical health, you might meet people at an exercise class, recreational sports league or other new hobby that keeps you active.

“Retiring well requires work, but it can be satisfying work,” Dr Amabile said.

“You’re experimenting and exploring to build a life that’s best for you.”