Why family lawyers will be flooded with enquiries from women in miserable marriages as early as Christmas Day

Family lawyer Chloe Cleaver hadn’t even polished off her pavlova when the first inquiry, of what has become known to legal practitioners as ‘divorce month’, hit her inbox on Christmas Day.

Since starting her career in family law, Ms Cleaver has seen an avalanche of partners — many at breaking point — seeking advice about separation as soon as Christmas Day is done.

“I’ve had it once where there has actually been an inquiry come through on December 25,” she said.

“It was (the case of) a shocking Christmas Day and this woman going ‘I’m out. I need to engage a lawyer’.

“We do get enquiries throughout our two-week closure, where you know things have gone wrong at Christmas, but most law firms are shut and so that first week back is when the calls are really coming in.”

It’s a taxing time of year, in which upholding the facade of a happy relationship can become too much.

A trickle of inquiries in late December usually becomes a steady stream of unhappy spouses — mostly mothers in their 40s — seeking advice by the time her law firm, Salerno Law on the Gold Coast, reopens in January.

The first working Monday of the month — this year January 6 — has been dubbed in legal circles as “divorce day”.

While it’s technically a misnomer because couples can’t actually get divorced until they have been separated for 12 months and 1 day, the seasonal separation trend is spot-on.

“I definitely think that’s always been the case but it’s probably increasing,” Ms Cleaver said.

“I find arguments over extended family dynamics, money and maybe differing priorities over that period are catalysts.

“There’s also an absence of work during that time which means you’ve got that concentrated togetherness.

“It’s school holidays so children are home and the parenting dynamics might be quite different.”

Ms Cleaver said the mental load and additional stress, particularly for mothers, during the Christmas and New Year period can push an already-troubled relationship to breaking point.

“It might be that problems were already there and all of those extra pressures over that time … really tests people,” she said.

“So I think that (the) holiday period and the New Year is a catalyst for change.”

Ms Cleaver said January symbolises a “fresh start” for many women, who tend to reflect on their lives, conduct an end-of-year review and set resolutions for the upcoming year.

“It’s a hard thing at any point to separate, and sometimes you’ve got to psych yourself up for it, and potentially New Year is a good opportunity to pull the trigger,” she said.

Family Lawyer Kirsty McLeod said she also sees a surge in separation enquiries in January.

Her law firm, which practices exclusively in family law, keeps stats to back this up.

“There seems to be this influx of new clients or people making enquiries in January that is consistent year in, year out,” she said.

“Our stats show that January and February continue to be our busiest months with respect to new clients enquiries.

“In recent years, we have had a lawyer on call over the shutdown to attend to urgent matters and new clients that require assistance over this period.”

Ms McLeod, based in Canberra, said the Christmas and summer school holiday period can create a “pressure cooker” type situation that often brings issues to a head.

“COVID really amplified this and we saw a big increase of new clients seeking advice about separation following the lockdowns,” she said.

“People also seem to want to start the year afresh,”

Ms McLeod, a director at Farrar Gesini Dunn, said the stressful Christmas period can make women reassess, realise they can’t stay in the relationship for another year and decide to finally put themselves first.

“Some clients say ‘I just can’t bear the thought of another Christmas or another holiday period with my spouse’ and that ‘this is my year to sort it out’ after thinking about it for a while,” she said.

Ms McLeod agrees that the reasons behind the seasonal divorce trend have a lot to do with extended family dynamics and demands, financial pressure, unrealistic expectations, travel with young children and the mental load women carry.

Clients often tell her that “Christmas with the in-laws has brought it all to a head”.

And while there is never a good time to separate, January offers some advantages.

“I think for most people, kids are on holidays and life is a little calmer so they have a bit more headspace or time to think about it,” she said.

“I think that whenever you do it, there are things you can do to prepare or be as prepared as possible.

“Get advice before you actually separate so you can mull on it for a bit. There might be things specific to your own case that a lawyer might point out.

“Sometimes the advice might even be that now is not the best time ... but it’s good for people to feel informed and empowered about how life will look if you leave.”

Sydney-based family lawyer Sarah Bevan said January was “absolutely” the busiest month for her firm.

“January has always been the absolute spike of our initial enquiries,” she said.

“Basically as soon as we open our doors in January there are people flooding in and it’s always been the case, both pre and post-COVID.

“My firm, largely because of this, typically closes down in December a little bit earlier than most others and then we open again in January, a little bit earlier because there are so many desperate people knocking on our door.”

Ms Bevan, who works between her Sydney offices at Surry Hills and Parramatta, said she predominantly sees women in their 40s seeking separation advice at the start of the year.

“Last time I looked at the stats it was about 75-77 per cent women,” she said.

“In my practice, it’s easily 90 per cent women. Most have kids.

“It’s always surprising to me when it’s a man who instigates the separation.”

Ms Bevan said the mental load of Christmas was a key contributor to why so many women walk away at this time of year.

“I think that is something women are less willing to put up with these days, to just sit back and accept that’s part of my life.

“I think there’s much more of a movement to say ‘this is not how I want to live my life and if you’re not going to step up, off I go’.”

But she said that separation was “rarely a sudden thing” and often follows long periods of contemplation before deciding to call it quits.

“It can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back when something happens over Christmas,” she said.

“Often in-laws and extended family bring you to breaking point for obvious reasons.

“All those pressures build up and you come to that point at Christmas when people either make that final decision or, if they had made it a little while ago and been holding on, actually take steps to do something about it in January.”

The most recent marriage and divorce data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics shows that marriages in Australia now last about 13 years. The median age at divorce is 47.1 for men and 44.1 for women.

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese was 56 years old when his marriage of 19 years ended on New Year’s Day.

Mr Albanese has spoken candidly on multiple occasions about his ex-wife Carmel Tebbutt walking out on January 1, 2019.

“Carmel made a decision that she wanted a different direction in her life and I had to come to terms with that and respect that,” he told The Jess Rowe Big Talk Show.

“It was a shock. I didn’t see it coming, there weren’t any other issues aside from a decision being made, and Nathan had turned 18 in December, just a few weeks earlier.”

Ms Bevan’s advice to those contemplating separation in January is to line up some counselling first.

“There’s plenty of resources online about preparing for separation,” she said.

“If they’re the weaker financial party it’s definitely a good idea to speak to a family law specialist before they separate.

“It’s about getting your ducks in a row and making sure you’ve got the information you need before you separate.

“Get some legal advice and have some counselling lined up in advance because even if it’s your decision, it’s still tough and a big adjustment, and if there are kids involved, you’ve got to be ok in order for them to be ok.”

Due to the influx of new clients after Christmas, family lawyers adjust their traditional holiday plans, and many reopen early.

“January is definitely not a month that we would take leave. For our team, it’s back to work because we all need to be on the tools and available,” Ms Cleaver said.

“I also recommend getting some initial advice on what is going to happen moving forward from a legal perspective.

“You need to know what your rights are, what you’re entitled to, and things like that. It’s also not good agreeing to anything before you’ve had legal advice.

“My best advice is really to plan and educate yourself as much as you can because education is empowerment and that assists you in making the right decision.”