Edwina Bartholomew: Is it time to update the guidelines on IVF gender selection in Australia? 

Our first baby was a surprise. A girl, delivered just before Christmas in 2019. We were beyond excited to hold her in our arms.

We named her Molly. It turned out to be the perfect name for a now fiery little five-year old redhead.

When we fell pregnant a second time, we found out the sex. We discovered we were expecting a boy, a pigeon pair as it’s known.

Tommy is the perfect foil to Molly and they are the best of mates.

That was enough for us. Two gorgeous little kids who mostly eat their vegetables and rarely stay in their own beds.

We found out the sex of our second child because I really wanted a boy. We only planned on having two kids and I thought one of each would be just right for us.

But what if we found out we were having another girl? Would we then have tried for three children? Probably.

It’s a conversation most parents have at some point either voluntarily or because they are constantly asked by well-meaning family members.

Parents of two boys or two girls will particularly field questions on the very personal question of trying for the opposite sex.

It made national headlines this week when a Melbourne woman travelled to the US to fulfill that wish.

Caitlin Bailey, who already has two boys and a girl, paid $45,000 to make sure her next IVF pregnancy would be another girl. Two of each. Exactly what she wanted.

Taking to social media, Bailey explained that she wanted to share her story to help other parents in a similar situation.

“This sort of thing makes me really anxious. I don’t like conflict, I don’t like drama, I don’t like confrontation,” she said.

“I chose to share my story and my journey purely because I thought if there’s people out there that it could potentially help and not feel so alone ... that’s why I shared it.”

IVF selection is banned in Australia and clinics offering the controversial service face jail time. There is only one exception and that is the sex selection to avoid certain genetic diseases where only one gender is impacted.

But is it time to update the guidelines?

Speaking from the US on Sunrise this morning, IVF expert Dr Daniel Potter says it is.

“Seventy per cent of the cases are women who have two or three girls and want to have a boy,” he told Sunrise hosts Nat Barr and David Woiwod.

“I look at it as a reproductive freedom issue. The embryos are the patient’s property and I think people should be free to do what they want.”

It is a personal issue but it’s always a divisive debate because of the can of worms it opens up about selective IVF. Where does it end? Eye colour? Skin colour?

“It’s really quite different to creating designer babies,” Dr Potter explained. “They are doing full genomic sequencing of embryos and that holds great promise for science.”

The views from Sunrise viewers are surprisingly mixed.

Carla writes: “Why should any government tell a woman what she can and can’t do with her body?”

Shenae agrees: “If I could afford to do this, I absolutely would.”

On the flip side, Anna shared on our Facebook page: “I might be old but a baby of any gender is a blessing.”

From Rebekkah: “I can understand the gender disappointment, but ultimately you love whatever child you get.”

I agree with all of the opinions above and I’m sure many women who have fought long battles with IVF would concur; any child is a gift.

But in banning the practice in Australia, we have created a two-class system for reproduction; parents who can afford to travel overseas for gender selection and family balancing and others who must leave it to chance.

The National Health and Medical Research Council first introduced ethical guidelines for IVF in 1996, when the technology was new and community attitudes were very different.

The most recent review was conducted in 2017. Times have again changed.

We are having babies later and our families are often not as large. If your personal preference is for one of each sex or two girls or two boys, that should be up to you.

“Family balancing” should not just be an option for wealthy parents who have the means to travel overseas and determine their own family make-up. The get what you get and you don’t get upset approach to IVF needs an update for our future.