KATE EMERY: With his census backflip, Anthony Albanese has entered his Sideshow Bob era

True Simpsons fans know that one of the show’s funniest moments involves entertainer-turned-wannabe-murderer Sideshow Bob repeatedly stepping on a bunch of rakes.

The episode is a parody of the film Cape Fear in which Bob, jailed for attempted murder because of Bart, is paroled and out for revenge.

Bob has already been burned by coffee and stabbed by cacti when he emerges from his hiding place under the Simpsons’ car — only to immediately step on the head of a nearby rake, causing the handle to fly up and hit him in the face. Then he does it again with another nearby rake. And again.

It’s funny partly because it goes on for far too long and partly because it’s so unnecessary: Bob could easily walk around the dozen-odd rakes and the show never tries to explain why he doesn’t.

With his disastrous handling of the LGBTQI census issue, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has entered his Sideshow Bob era. Not only has he spent the past week being repeatedly hit in the face by a rake but it’s been a pain largely of his own making.

Unfortunately, this time it’s not funny.

There was simply no good reason for the Federal Government to exclude a question on sexual preference from the 2026 census.

The initial explanation offered by both Deputy Prime Minister Richard Marles and Treasurer Jim Chalmers — that this was about trying to avoid a “divisive” culture war that would victimise the LGBTQI community — is unconvincing.

Was there a risk Opposition Leader Peter Dutton would suggest the move represents a “ woke agenda”? Absolutely. He pretty much did exactly that, at least before sticking a finger to the wind and deciding he was fine with it. But Mr Dutton loves to misuse the word woke like Sideshow Bob loves the musical repertoire of Gilbert and Sullivan: trying to avoid that is both a pointless exercise and risks letting the lowest common denominator set the Government agenda.

Australia voted convincingly for marriage equality: the existence of gay people in our country is neither a surprise nor a cause for concern, for most of us.

What happens with any information collected by the Australian Bureau of Statistics — more funding for LGBTQI services, perhaps, or more pressure to act on religious discrimination in schools — might prove to be controversial. But those conversations would be an election away.

Alternative explanations have since been advanced by Social Services Minister Amanda Rishworth, who said the proposed questions were too complicated, and by Mr Albanese, who suggested some of the questions “weren’t appropriate”.

Will we see an exciting new explanation from the Government tomorrow, all while Mr Albanese insists “nothing has changed”? At this point, it’s truly impossible to say how many rakes are out there.

The incredibly messy messaging has not left LGBTQI Australians with the impression their Government is shielding them from the conservative right’s culture wars.

The message they’ve heard is that LGBTQI Australians quite literally do not count.

Mr Albanese might still have avoided the rakes-in-face scenario if this had been the first time the LGBTQI community had been let down by this Government. Unfortunately, it wasn’t even the first time this year, coming on the heels of a broken election promise to introduce religious discrimination reforms aimed at, among other things, protecting LGBTQI kids and teachers in schools.

Taken together, it looks like a Government prepared to sell out LGBTQI Australians to avoid a political skirmish.

It also looks a lot like a Government running scared.

In true Sideshow Bob style, even Mr Albanese’s attempt to kill the issue has failed.

Facing an internal revolt and criticism from LGBTQI groups, Mr Albanese backflipped on Friday, saying there would be one census question about sexual preference after all.

In the process, however, he’s fuelled speculation that trans and intersex people — the T and the I in LGBTQI — will be excluded from the count. This is at a time when trans people’s right to exist is in more danger than, well, Bart Simpson faced with Sideshow Bob.

If all these references to a 31-year-old episode of TV feel a little dated, here’s a more current reference to explain where the Government finds itself now: it’s got the twisties.

Made famous by US gymnast Simone Biles, who pulled out of the Tokyo Olympics because of them, the twisties are a phenomenon where a gymnast can no longer locate their body in space. The disconnect between mind and body can be caused by everything from stress to doubt and makes it hard for a gymnast to know where they are in the air and how to land safely.

The same affliction seems to be plaguing the Government, which seems increasingly disconnected from its values, its voters and what it stands for. Mr Albanese, having backflipped on the census, is flying through the air with no idea where he is or how he is supposed to come down safely.

For gymnasts, a bout of the twisties can be deadly.

The same goes for governments.