Champion jockey Michelle Payne shares heartbreaking insight into sister Bernadette’s death

Melbourne Cup legend Michelle Payne has shared heartbreaking insight into the final years of her sister Bernadette’s life.

Bernadette, herself a former jockey, died in March this year aged 51.

In a candid interview with The Age on Saturday, Payne opened up on her sister’s mental health struggles, which stemmed from being addicted to painkillers after a riding accident when she was 21.

“She would have been numbing the pain, or numbing a depression, or maybe both. Probably both,” Payne said in a wide-ranging interview.

“But by the end she was unrecognisable — Who is this person? — and scary. I had an intervention order against her.”

Payne recounted one heartbreaking conversation with Bernadette that still stings.

“I just remember asking her, ‘What do you want?’ and the answer was so sad,” she said.

“She said, ‘I don’t want anything. I just want to go back to when we were little kids and everybody was playing together in the puddles and laughing.’

“But she just wouldn’t accept any help.”

Payne also wondered what more the family could have done to help Bernadette after finding a series of notes following her death that appeared to be Bernadette encouraging herself to keep going.

“I talk about it — without any answers — because maybe someone going through a similar thing will come up with an idea, a different path. Or maybe they won’t feel alone,” she said.

Payne has rarely spoken publicly about her sister’s death.

She paid tribute on social media in the days after the tragedy.

“Words can’t describe,” she wrote.

“We pray you are resting peacefully and we remember all of the beautiful memories.”

Payne, who is the youngest of 10 siblings, has dealt with tragedy throughout her life.

Her mother Mary died when she was just six months old. Her sister, Brigid, also lost her life too soon. Brigid was 36 when she died from a heart attack in 2007.

Payne spoke about Bernadette in an interview on Racing.com last year.

“Bernadette was 11 years old and getting up in the middle of the night feeding me,” she said.

“Amazing what they did and just without any fuss they just did what they had to do.

“It was just incredible that they got through it and that they’re so strong.”

If you need help in a crisis, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. For further information about depression contact beyondblue on 1300224636 or talk to your GP, local health professional or someone you trust.