Business psychologist Jan P. de Jonge reveals six subtle signs that may show your boss hates you

Louise Atkinson
Daily Mail
Here are six subtle signs that it may be time to look for a new job because your boss hates you.
Here are six subtle signs that it may be time to look for a new job because your boss hates you. Credit: amnaj - stock.adobe.com

When your boss leans across the desk, jabs a finger in your face and shouts: “You’re fired!” there’s no mistaking they don’t like you.

Mercifully, most of us don’t work for Lord Sugar. But ­whatever you do for a living, clashes with the boss are extremely common. In fact, experts say the single most cited reason for people leaving their job is not getting on with their immediate manager.

Whether you put it down to leadership style, a personality clash or simmering resentment, your working life can be ­miserable if you suspect your boss doesn’t like you.

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Yet it’s not always obvious. Here, business psychologist Jan P. de Jonge highlights six sometimes subtle signs that you may be the least favourite person on the team . . .

They love your ideas (a little too much)

You might think it’s a surefire sign your boss doesn’t like you if they immediately dismiss all your suggestions.

However, the opposite could be true. If you notice them cunningly appropriating your ideas for themselves, they might not like you enough to give you the credit you deserve.

If this happens regularly, act quickly and don’t let resentment fester, says De Jonge. He recommends addressing your concerns by saying something like: “I’m so glad you like my idea and I really hope it is ­recognised that it was my ­initiative and I created this.”

Their feet don’t face towards you

The next time you’re ­interacting with your boss, check their feet. If they’re pointing directly towards you, it’s good news because this means they are fully engaged with you.

“The position and direction of the body gives subtle signs of affiliation or attraction,” says De Jonge, who points out that if your boss’s shoulders and head are facing to one side and their feet are positioned at an angle away from you, their attention is on other matters.

Something strange about their smile

Management training courses will encourage bosses to flash a frequent smile to boost morale and foster better relationships with employees. But beware the fake smile that only uses the muscles around the mouth. If your boss smiles but their eyes don’t tighten up or sparkle, they’re likely to be going through the motions.

According to De Jonge, it is possible to scrutinise your boss’s ‘micro behaviours’ and quantify any degree of dislike.

“When your boss smiles, ­discreetly count the number of seconds they hold that smile and count the number of times they smile at, or with, you on any given day,” he suggests. “Then compare those stats with the frequency and duration of your boss’s smiles when they are around your colleagues.”

They’re TOO professional

A boss who rarely engages in small talk, doesn’t ask questions about your home life and shows zero interest in you ­outside of your work probably doesn’t like you very much.

But if your boss shows no interest in you as a person, you are well within your rights to ask for feedback.

De Jonge suggests saying something like: “You may not be very familiar with the things that are going on in my life . . .”

Or in a group meeting, gather support by saying: “I’m sure my colleagues agree that it would be great to have some time with you to compare notes and discuss the various factors that influence our ­ability to work well . . .”

They’re paying you LOTS of attention

Don’t be seduced into ­thinking that the more ­attention you get from your boss, the more they like you.

According to De Jonge, if your boss watches over you, constantly checking your work, there could be more than ­professional guidance at play.

They may not trust you to do your job properly and “this apparent lack of trust may not be easily disentangled from a sense of being disliked,” he says.

You never get picked out for praise

If colleagues are ­regularly praised, but not you, this is a big red flag.

However, don’t jump to ­conclusions based on a ­single ­incident.

De Jonge ­recommends chatting your concerns over with colleagues to garner their views and, if they agree you’re being treated unfairly, to try standing up for yourself by asking for a one-to-one meeting with your boss.

“You’ll need to come armed with specific instances that have caused you to feel ­undervalued,” says De Jonge, “and it may be helpful to think, ­beforehand, of ways in which that under-appreciation could be turned around.”

But it’s important to ­remember that your need to be liked could be equally problematic.

“The extent to which you need to be liked by any boss is relevant — if that level of liking does not meet your personal needs, then there is a mismatch,” he says.

“There’s no need to allocate blame; it just does not always work out. You’re not obliged to get on with your boss.”

Jan P. de Jonge runs peoplebusinesspsychology.com

© Daily Mail

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