These plane etiquette rules are non-negotiable: Shorts and tank tops are forbidden while shoes are a must

If Jean-Paul Sartre were writing for today’s traveller, he might well say, “Hell is other people on a plane.”

Certainly, being trapped cheek by jowl with 508 strangers in an Airbus A380 for 15 hours is a very particular inferno. Which is why we should all be actively doing our bit to make it slightly less punishing.

Some will be in the paradise of first class and the enviable business. Lucky them.

But for the economy traveller (read – the reality for most and particularly this time of year, thanks airline pricing) we must find our small comforts where we can - ideally while not disrupting, offending or upsetting our neighbours. And yet … here we are.

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Don’t be a slob

Let’s start with dressing for long-haul air travel. Comfort is key — no-one will dispute this.

And while we never thought the day would land that we aligned with the utterances and wants of US President Donald Trump’s team, we, ah, well, find some semblance of agreement in his DOT’s (that’s the US Department of Transportation) desire for airline passengers to step up and not look like they’re wearing pyjamas (or are wearing actual pyjamas) while in transit.

Perhaps it’s just a need to take a leaf from those lucky sods who turned left on boarding and who can change into their free PJs once on board.

Dress well for the airport, pack a set of clothes for the flight in your carry-on and change in the bathroom after takeoff. Pyjama-adjacent, perhaps, but publicly presentable.

The advantage of this approach is you’ll have something relatively fresh to change back into once you arrive. That extra set of clothes could be an added bonus should your checked luggage go AWOL. And on this — always pack extra underwear in your carry-on. Always !!

Given the wildly varying temperatures on planes, it’s advisable to wear layers in natural fibres. This could be a lightweight knit or cotton sweatshirt over a tee, maybe an oversized brushed cotton shirt and a large cotton scarf that can double as a torso blanket. Trackpants and a hoodie are perfectly fine once in the air.

Ladies, skip the leggings for long haul — being clad in Lycra for 12 hours isn’t be good for anyone. Jersey pants are a great alternative, comfortable and flexible.

I read a solid tip recently about wearing pants that taper at the bottom - they won’t puddle into, er, puddles on the bathroom floor. Yes, no more hitching up the hems of wide-leg pants or flared jeans to avoid that fate.

For men and women, shorts and tanks are a no-go — because nobody needs a stranger’s bare flesh rubbing against them at 30,000 feet.

Spare me, put on shoes!

On that note: feet. If you wear sandals or slides in transit, all well and good. But once you’re settled in, sock up. Bare feet are intolerable on a plane. Or any public transport for that matter. Rubber thongs go into the barefoot category and are a further “no”.

Shoes will inevitably come off during the flight, so keep feet both covered and cosy in fresh socks. And — I can’t believe this needs to be stated, but I’ve seen it too many times to ignore — on utlising the little boys’ / girls’ room (emphasis on the little here!!), make sure you put your shoes back on.

Socks offer no real barrier to the microbiome filth of a bathroom floor after seven hours in the air with intermittent turbulence.

If you find it a hassle to tie up sneakers every time you get up, look for shoes that can slide on and off with ease — such as backless driving shoes, soft loafers with collapsible backs, or even Birkenstock mules.

Follow basic in-flight courtesy

Dress aside, there’s some basic in-flight etiquette that, unfortunately, seems to be going the way of paper boarding passes. So, a few points to remember:

1. Don’t overdo the carry-on. If you can check it, check it. Also, if you think you might need something mid-flight, pack it near the top of your carry-on so it can easily be found. It’s really not hard.

2. Be aware of personal space — yours and that of others. Don’t encroach on the limited square-centimeterage of your neighbour. And gentlemen — sure, not all men, but almost always men — please quit the manspreading and armrest ownership.

3. Please, wear deodorant. But not too much perfume.

4. Devices need headphones. Whether you’re rewatching the latest season of Succession or kids are playing PAW Patrol, we don’t want to hear it.

5. Don’t be a d...head. It’s that simple. We’re all in this together. It may not be paradise, but it doesn’t have to be hell, either.