Ambition and self-care: How to build a life around the relationships and activities that matter

I’m the first woman in my family to go to college, have control over my finances and career, have agency over my body and choose whether to have children, and how many.

Honouring my ancestors’ wildest dreams has always been a core part of my identity, but it’s sometimes hard to reconcile feelings of joy and purpose, with the exhaustion that can come with being the first, the few, the only, the different.

That’s why I developed my Uncompete philosophy, based on the belief that ambition, rest and self-care do not have to be mutually exclusive. But it often requires making tough decisions that will let you build your life around the “relationships and activities that matter most to you”, to quote Dr Pooja Lakshmin.

You can start by figuring out exactly what kind of rest your body and mind needs. One framework that can help is Dr Saundra Dalton-Smith’s Seven Types of Rest. Here’s how to incorporate each of them into your life.

1. Physical rest

Physical rest involves helping your body recover and maintain its functionality. It can be passive, such as napping or sleeping, or active, like stretching, yoga, foam rolling, or getting a massage.

2. Mental rest

Mental rest gives your brain a break from racing thoughts, ruminations, endless to-do lists, or work. It can be meditation, taking short breaks from work and relaxing hobbies.

3. Sensory rest

Phone notifications and the sounds of our co-workers chatting are examples of sensory stimulations that can overwhelm our brain. To counteract overstimulation and get sensory rest, Dr Dalton-Smith recommends closing your eyes momentarily, using noise-cancelling headphones, or, if possible, spending a few minutes alone in a dark, quiet room.

4. Creative rest

Some sources of creative rest might include spending time in nature, pursuing a creative project or filling your workspace with objects that spark joy, wonder and curiosity.

5. Emotional rest

As a recovering people pleaser, I know what it’s like to be emotionally drained from constantly trying to meet others’ expectations. Emotional rest requires us to set boundaries with others and honour them.

6. Social rest

Consider a few of the most important relationships in your life: Which relationships give you energy? Prioritise spending some time with those who uplift you or fill you with positive emotions. Rest doesn’t always have to mean solitude, and it’s important to know which people charge you back up.

7. Spiritual rest

Spiritual rest, according to Dr Dalton-Smith, is “the ability to connect beyond the physical and mental and feel a deep sense of belonging, love, acceptance, and purpose”. We can implement spiritual rest through prayer, volunteering, or joining a spiritually minded community.

This framework has helped me understand what motivates me to do my best work, and how to create a schedule that is compatible with all areas of my life. I now understand that the most meaningful way I can honour my family and set an example I can be proud of is by leading a life where rest and ambition are deeply intertwined.

Ruchika T. Malhotra is the author of Inclusion On Purpose and her latest book Uncompete