Dating coach advice to connect with people and attract a more ‘positive response’

In 2017, after nearly a decade of writing about romance and dating online, Amy Chan launched what she called her “breakup bootcamp” — a three-day healing retreat on a private property offering sessions with a psychologist, a yoga instructor and Chan herself.

Since then, Chan, 44, has continued running her breakup retreats and expanded into dating-focused experiences and one-on-one coaching.

She has also written two books: Breakup Bootcamp, about healing from heartbreak, and Unsingle, about building healthier dating habits.

Chan gives her clients various tips and tricks to reframe their attitude toward dating and open them up to love.

She’s noticed that people can be closed off when they’re trying to meet a significant other, say, at events, for example.

But “it’s not the most physically attractive person in a room that gets approached,” she says.

“It’s a person who shows warmth and that they’re friendly.”

Among the exercises she assigns is what she calls “seven days of making eye contact,” she says.

Here’s how the exercise works and why it’s effective.

‘You’re just being 100 per cent present’

The exercise is simple: Throughout those seven days, whether you’re buying coffee and talking to the barista or you see someone walking down the street, “you make eye contact and you hold gaze until they break it,” she says.

“You don’t want to stare at the person — you’re still looking at them normally,” she says, you simply don’t look away until they do.

“You’re just being 100 per cent present,” she says.

“And the idea is, the person I am talking to is the most important person in the room.”

It’s a ‘very vulnerable, intimate thing to do’

This exercise works for multiple reasons.

First, it’s nice to feel like someone’s attention is 100 per centon you.

“You will see that people start to have more of a positive response to you,” says Chan.

You are creating a moment of what she calls “mini connection,” and it makes both you and them feel good.

Second, it’s a sort of training ground for deeper connection when you’re going on dates.

Making eye contact is a “very vulnerable, intimate thing to do,” she says.

But so is having a romantic relationship.

“If you can’t do that, how can you evolve into the other levels of vulnerability and intimacy that you actually want?” she says.