THE WASHINGTON POST: Scared of public speaking? You’re not alone. How to conquer this common phobia

Public speaking — and I’m going to say something radical here — is just talking. It’s something everyone is doing all the time, they just worry about it when they’re put in front of an audience.

Whenever there’s a survey done about phobias, public speaking is often listed higher than death. What we actually fear is exposure. We view public speaking, particularly in a professional sense, as a testament to our ability and we have very binary mindsets about it. Either we do this business update brilliantly and it goes down the same way a TED Talk would, or it’s a complete disaster.

Over the last decade as a speech coach, I’ve helped industry leaders, corporate executives and public figures learn to give better speeches, presentations and network effectively. What I’ve learned is we just need to be a little bit more open-minded and get out of our own way.

This process of identifying and challenging negative-thinking patterns is called cognitive restructuring. By honing your ability to identify the thoughts that are causing the problem, the easier it becomes to challenge them.

Step 1: The moment you start to feel a familiar tightening in your throat, ask yourself this: What am I worried about?

The answer might start small: I’m worried that I’ll forget what I want to say.

Fine, but dig deeper. How far does that thought go? I’m worried I’ll forget what I’m going to say, and people will see me freeze, and someone else will have to step in, and that will make the audience think I’m incompetent and they’ll all talk about me behind my back.

Now we have it. Sit with that thought for a moment.

Step 2: Look for any evidence or previous experience you have to support that thought.

It’s important to clarify what evidence is - and what it isn’t. Evidence could come in the form of feedback, like a manager telling you that because you forgot how you wanted to end a sentence, they no longer believe you have any professional capability.

But evidence is not an assumption, or a “gut feeling” that comes from nowhere other than your own head.

Go through or write out each anxious thought. Put a line through the ones you cannot support with evidence. For example: I will freeze, and I will be unable to carry on with my presentation.

Unless you have actually had to stop a presentation midway through previously because you couldn’t complete a sentence, then you don’t have any actual evidence for this happening.

Step 3: With the anxious thoughts you have been able to provide evidence for, explore the consequences of each.

For example: I know I can forget what I’m about to say. This has happened before.

Now ask yourself, what is the actual impact of this happening? Again, your response needs to be evidence-based.

If I do forget what I’m about to say, there is normally a pause before I either have to start my point again or move on completely. Nothing else happens.

Write out the consequences of each anxiety

Step 4: Be objective.

Imagine a friend has presented this exact problem to you. What would you say to reassure them, based on the analysis you’ve just done?

If you do freeze, nothing actually happens. You just start speaking again after a pause and you have no evidence to suggest that anyone will think any less of you if it does happen.

You have evidence to support the idea that every single time you have experienced a “freeze,” you have simply carried on with your presentation.

Repeat these steps as often as is necessary!

It might be helpful to keep a diary to address these anxieties over time, or you can quickly run through these questions the moment you hear that parrot kicking off:

• What am I really worried about?
• What evidence do I have to suggest this actually going to happen?
• What evidence do I have to suggest this is not actually going to happen?
• With my worries that I do have evidence for, what is the consequence of each?
• Using the above analysis, what would I say to a friend who was in the same boat?

In doing so, you’ll come to realise that nerves and their physical manifestations are completely to be expected. Your hands might shake, your mouth might go dry, but you’ll be able to experience these sensations in the knowledge that there’s actually nothing to be frightened of.

Susie Ashfield is a UK-based speech coach. Adapted from Just F**king Say It: The Ultimate Guide to Speaking with Confidence In Any Situation by Susie Ashfield, published by Elliott & Thompson.

(c) 2025 , The Washington Post