WINE CHATS: Have you ever wondered what sex animal you are?

Have you ever wondered what sex animal you are?

This week on The Nightly, we were curious about what kind of sex animal we would be, because that’s exactly the sort of thing you need to know about yourself. As we open up a can of alcoholic juice, we start a questionnaire that is sure to enrich our sex lives… right?

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

Lindalin: Oh my god, Billi had this wise, fun idea. I don’t know how wise it is, but it should be fun and entertaining for you. To find out what sex animal we are.

Billi: I don’t even know what the options are, but I’m just curious. And so we’re going to go through this quiz.

For some reason, I wondered if you can figure out what sex animal you are. You can. Lyndsey. What’s the first question?

Lyndsey: We’ve got 10 questions to get through. We’re going to do it live with you guys.

Are you willing to try new things/positions in the bedroom?

The options are:

1. Of course! Bring it on
2. Maybe, as long as it’s not too difficult/crazy/different ...
3. Sure, if it’s what my partner wants.
4. I practically make up new positions
5. Sure, even more gladly if I get to be the more dominant one.

Lyndsey: I’m picking maybe as long as it’s not too difficult, crazy.

Billi: Just don’t twist me into a pretzel.

Lyndsey: We’re vanilla, in case you didn’t know.

Billi: Alright, what kind of sex do you enjoy the most?

1. Different types, and fantasy sex.
2. Safe (the feeling) love making.
3. Dominant, passionate sex.
4. Tender, but playful sex.
5. Submissive sex.

Lyndsey: Oh, I’m safe.

Billi: I’m gonna say tender but playful.

Lyndsey: But define playful. Whips, toys, that kind of playful? Or playful, like, tee hee, giggling?

Billi: I envisioned the latter one, but I’ll take all the whips and stuff too, that’s fine.

Lyndsey: Billi, how do you like your foreplay?

1. Kinky, teasing and experimental.
2. Playful, humoristic and fun.
3. Slow, gentle and intimate.
4. Quick, effective and simple.
5. Seductive, erotic and sensual.

Billi: I like seductive, erotic, and sensual.

Lyndsey: I am quick, effective and simple.

Billi: Get in, get out.

Lyndsey: Get the show on the road.

Billi: Linny, take some time. Enjoy.

Lyndsey: Billi, you have to be honest with this.

Billi: I am! I am, 100%. Okay, what’s your favorite position?

1. In some position where we can look at each other, and be as close as possible.
2. “Riding” my partner or him/her “riding” me.
3. Neither on top or on the bottom. Somewhere in between. (Sideways, sitting on top of each other face to face) You need some sort of balance.
4. On top, or in any position where I can be in control.
5. The classic (“traditional”) position.

Lyndsey: I would have to say probably the Classic, but not in a boring starfish way, people don’t need my details. We fit really nicely in a certain position that’s kind of like the classic.

Billi: And I’m going with the classic because none of the other ones seem like they would be something that I enjoy.

Lyndsey: Very good. Which describes you the best?

1. I’m playful and spontaneous but tender.
2. I’m dominant, determined and passionate.
3. I’m seductive, sensitive to touch and experimental.
4. I’m an idealist who’s sensitive and loyal.
5. I’m shy, feminine/masculine, sensual and submissive.

What does that even mean?

Billi: I don’t know. I think I’m shy. I feel like I’m more of the, you just do whatever you want and I’m gonna hang out here. As long as it’s sensual and playful.

Lyndsey: That makes sense. I’m that too.

Billi: Okay, number six. What’s your lover/sex partner/crush etc. most like or what would you want him or her to be?

1. Seductive and experimental.
2. Loyal and tender.
3. Shy, feminine/masculine and sensual.
4. Dominant and passionate.
5. Playful and spontaneous, but still tender.

Again, just do what you will and just be passionate about it.

Lyndsey: Yes, when I think dominant I think of, again, spanking, whips, I think my mind is taking me somewhere else but dominant in the sense of you lead the way.

Billi: And be nice about it. You know what I’m saying? We’re going to end up being the same animal.

Lyndsey: Well, we’ve picked a couple different ones. We have.

If you were to send a surprise gift to your partner, what would it be?

1. A book of fantasies and adventures we haven’t tried yet, signaling my openness to new experiences.
2. A playful, intimate board game that promises laughter and closeness.
3. A piece of elegant lingerie or underwear that speaks to our mutual appreciation for beauty.
4. A subtle, sensual perfume or cologne that reminds them of me and our shared desires.
5. Something bold and direct that hints at a night of passionate control and exploration.

Billi: I would like to see what that hint is. I’m gonna go with a piece of elegant lingerie or underwear.

Lyndsey: Yeah, you do that a lot, don’t you?

Billi: We do. I like lingerie. It makes me feel like I’m a different person. Otherwise, I’m my goofy self. You do not want to be in a bedroom doing that with this. I feel too goofy.

Lyndsey: I don’t really know.

Billi: What would he want to receive?

Lyndsey: Oh, lingerie. He would want lingerie.

Billi: Why don’t you just give him a book of fantasies and adventures you haven’t tried yet?

Lyndsey: Signaling my openness to new experiences? That scares the crap out of me.

Billi: Come on, pick one.

Lyndsey: Okay. I’m going to do the perfume because it sounds the safest.

Billi: Excellent. Just don’t put it in weird places.

How do you like to be awakened the morning after? I don’t. First of all, let’s just start with that.

1. With gentle words and touches that remind me of our deep, loyal bond.
2. Softly, with tenderness, reinforcing the intimacy and connection we share.
3. With a surprising caress or whisper, hinting at another day of exploration.
4. By a bold and passionate gesture that reignites the previous night’s intensity.
5. With tickles and kisses, starting the day with laughter and joy.

Lyndsey: My husband’s never in bed the next morning because he has gone long before me. I would just say gentle words and touches that remind me of our deep loyal bond, I guess. I don’t need tickles and whispers.

Billi: I don’t need them to wake me up at all, I need them to leave me alone. If I had to though, I would say with tickles and kisses.

Lyndsey: Do you have a lot of, oh, whoa, do you have a lot of sexual experiment?

1. I have lots of experiment.
2. I have about the average amount of experiment.
3. Pretty much since I like trying new things.
4. I’m a virgin or I have very little experiment.
5. I don’t have so much experiment.

Billi: Okay, so somebody didn’t proofread this. That’s okay. I’m not a virgin. I think I’m just average. I think I have the average amount of experiments.

Lyndsey: Yeah, exactly. And I think this is our last question. Go.

Billi: Okay. During a weekend getaway, you stumble upon a secluded beach. Oh, a role play! What’s your immediate thought?

1. I envision us in a passionate embrace by the water, the thrill of dominance and surrender in the air.
2. Perfect for playful skinny-dipping, followed by cuddles on the shore.
3. It’s ideal for a serene, romantic picnic, just appreciating each other’s beauty and commitment.
4. The secluded setting makes me hope for a tender, seductive moment initiated by my partner.
5. Exploring the hidden corners of the beach and teasing each other along the way sounds enticing.

Lyndsey: Does it? I think it is perfect for playful skinny dipping followed by cuddles on the shore.

Billi: I don’t want to cuddle on the shore though because there’ll be sand everywhere.

Lyndsey: Well, there’s going to be sand everywhere no matter what you choose.

Billi: The first thing I thought of was, which is what I kind of did when we went away and found a secluded beach, I just got naked, naturally.

Lyndsey: And swimming naked is nice.

Billi: We’re about to test press the test results. What animal do you think you’re gonna be, Lyndsey?

Lyndsey: I don’t know what animals you can be.

Billi: It’s probably a koala or something. Okay. For 40% I’m… a dolphin? I’m a dolphin for 40%.

Lyndsey: Oh. It’s a whole report!

Billi: I was 40% a deer.

Lyndsey: I’m 50% deer! These are not the animals I was expecting.

Billi: No, I thought that was gonna gimme like a sexy kitten.

I’m 40% dolphin, 40% Deer and 20% is free for all.

Lyndsey: Is that a hundred percent? It wasn’t adding up. I’m 10% tiger, roar!

Well, that was weird.

We are so sorry for the weirdness that was this episode, we thought we’d try and tell you our sex animal, but deers and dolphins (possibly the unsexiest animals) were a surprise to us all.

If you’d like to discover your sex animal, we suggest trying the second Google result on the list as the first one was a complete and utter fail.

Please do join us for another episode of Wine Chats Podcast here on The Nightly next week, we can’t promise it won’t be weird, but we can certainly try!