AARON PATRICK: Scott Galloway’s ‘Notes on Being a Man’ becomes a breakout guide to friendship, careers and sex

“There is nothing more dangerous than a lonely, broke young man,” writes Scott Galloway, a marketing lecturer who has emerged as one of the most persuasive advocates on how to fix men.

Do they need fixing? In his new, hit book, Notes on Being a Man, Professor Galloway argues men and boys are in crisis.

Facing an educational system “biased against them” in a society where traditional masculinity is seen as destructive, men are dropping out of school, deserting their families and killing themselves at rates only matched by the stunning improvement in the lives of women.

A new generation of young men “are unbearably lonely, not economically viable, not emotionally viable and basically adrift,” he writes.

“It’s a malevolent force in any society and a truly terrifying one in a society addicted to social media and awash in guns and loutishness.”

Professor Galloway’s proposal to staunch the male decline cuts against the feminist principles that have come to dominate discussion about sexual equality for decades: men are designed to protect, provide and procreate, he argues, and should embrace these positive elements of masculinity.

“There is no such thing as toxic masculinity,” he writes.

“There’s cruelty, criminality, bullying, predation (consuming others) and abuse of power. If you’re guilty of any of these things, or conflate being male with coarseness or savagery, you’re not masculine; you’re anti-masculine.”

Performative man

The re-election of Donald Trump — perhaps the Western world’s leading practitioner of traditional male leadership — has made arguments for chivalry seem less daring than in the past. In some universities, a counter movement is emerging, poking fun at “performative man”, the trend for young men to post videos portraying themselves as sensitive and emotionally aware.

At campus contests in San Francisco, Toronto and London, participants have competed for laughs by ironically reciting poetry, wearing op-shop fashion and handing out tampons, according to Jillian Sunderland, a PhD student at the University of Toronto.

One of the objectives is to help women and men meet, she wrote on Friday, a laudable objective in an online-dating-dominated world where 45 per cent of men under 25 have never approached a woman in person.

The discussion can quickly shift from funny to deadly serious.

Tuesday marks International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, a United Nations-sponsored commemoration of one of humanity’s great problems.

In Parliament today, Liberal leader Sussan Ley read the names of 62 of the 74 women killed over the past year. Parliament will be lit orange to mark the day.

Eleven per cent of NSW men admit to having forced their partner or ex-partner to have sex, according to figures published by the NSW Government today. The figures are based on a study by The Men’s Project charity, which also found most men and boys reject traditional male stereotypes such as appearing tough and in control, but tragically, 30 per cent aged 18 to 30 thought about suicide in the previous fortnight.

“Men might not personally agree (with society’s expectations) but they certainly feel the pressure,” the study’s author, Jane Lloyd, told The Nightly.

Male stress

You do not have to be a university professor to conclude there is a connection between domestic violence and male feelings of self-worth.

Professor Galloway states that “men should always strive to make women feel safe,” while identifying causes of male stress, including an inability to form emotional bonds, feelings of professional and financial failure, physical inadequacies and the struggle to find sexual partners.

Although he is now a business and personal-development guru with a job at New York University and one of the top US podcasts, Professor Galloway’s record of failure adds to his credibility.

An unexceptional and virginal teenager, he grew into a bottom-of-the-class business-school student who graduated to an arrogant, soon-to-fail online entrepreneur.

“The only thing remarkable about me was my willingness to endure repeated failure,” he writes in Notes on Being a Man.

When his father walked out on him and his mother, they went from middle to working class. His mother, a secretary, was absent but dedicated to making her son an appealing human being. She “basically worked overtime trying to help me get laid,” he wrote.

Seeking sex

Modern character building for young men these days de-emphasises sex, mainly because so many examples of teenage rape and sexual assault created a perception that sex was regarded by young men as a birthright.

Consent education has become a mainstay of the Australian educational curriculum, in part because of a young Sydney advocate, Chanel Contos, who shared her own boy experiences from private-school parties.

One of the unintended consequences seems to be that young men have become ashamed of sex and afraid of approaching women, a problem Professor Galloway is fighting. Chasing profits and sex has consumed his life, and he places them at the centre of his guide to male happiness.

“The pursuit of sex is healthy, noble and wonderful,” he writes. “Straight young men are often interested in straight young women because they want to have sex. We tend to act as if there’s something wrong with that. There isn’t.

“Sex and the pursuit of it leads to romance and intimacy. It lights a fire under young men to better themselves to be more attractive potential mates, who help them reach their potential.”

The route to sexual success is not dissimilar to career achievement. Work hard, Professor Galloway, and realise that “balance is a myth. There are only trade offs”.

“Concentrate on work, relationships, fitness in youth,” he writes.

“If you’re in your twenties, be mentally and physically a warrior. Fitness sends a signal that you can show up are disciplined and committed and take pride in who you are.”

Criticism

Three weeks after being published, Notes on Being a Man is 13th on Amazon’s US best-seller list, which suggests strong interest from men who want to be decent and successful humans.

The message hasn’t been universally welcomed. A sociology professor at Monash University, Steven Roberts, last week criticised Professor Galloway as a “men-in-crisis” commentator who portrays women’s sexual and romantic choices like they are businesses. He disputed that men are lonelier than women.

“Galloway’s diagnosis mistakes a broad social malaise for a gender-specific pathology,” Dr Roberts wrote on the ABC website.

If Professor Galloway had read the critique, he probably would have been upset. He admits to being sensitive to criticism, even from online Russian bots, and suffering bouts of depression.

Now 61, he is starting to find peace. “I hate my life less and less each day,” he writes.