DANE ELDRIDGE: Rugby league owes the New Zealand Warriors a premiership

If the NRL could choose its next premiers purely on commercial objectives, it would resuscitate a giant like the Parramatta Eels or that titanic albatross on the Gold Coast.

But if it wanted to do the ethical thing and settle a debt of gratitude, it would reward the Provan-Summons trophy to the New Zealand Warriors.

Make no mistake, the Wahs are the last team in the NRL right now that need help from the governing body to put a hex on the rest of the competition.

In fact, they’ve already issued their own ‘Fat-Wah’, with a guaranteed top-two finish and twin home finals a near-decree on a third grand final appearance in its short history.

With a squad firmly in its premiership window after competing in three of the last four finals series, not only does Andrew Webster’s outfit have a scientific game plan and a forward pack that is the human embodiment of a combine harvester, the squad runs deep with quality playmakers.

Admittedly the majority are unavailable through injury, but it’s the fact the team has continued purring despite missing Luke Metcalf, Tanah Boyd, Te Maire Martin and Chanel Harris-Tavita that illustrates its all-weather readiness for a grand final tilt.

Should the Warriors go forth and consummate their rise, it won’t just be a reward for consistency and emasculating opposition packs.

As we know, the Auckland-based club is a beloved entity that brings a unique colour and culture to the game, albeit one historically low on results but high on vibes.

Whether it’s Shaun Johnson oozing through a broken line, Ruben Wiki taking off someone’s head at the waist or Manu Vatuvei skittling defenders to score before spilling the next four kickoffs, the team from across the ditch has blessed us with footy for years that’s as joyously unpredictable as their haircuts.

Better still, much like a busker who forgets his collection hat, the Warriors have religiously delivered all this excitement while rarely ever taking up a spot in our top eight.

But while nothing endears a team to rival fans like being fun and harmless, there’s one Warriors virtue that stands above all.

Nobody will forget the sacrifices made by the Kiwi team during the COVID pandemic when their selflessness saved the NRL from its own dusty wallet.

When lockdown exposed the governing body’s parlous financial position, the Warriors put the game above their own interests by remaining in Australia for an eternity living out of suitcases with swab sticks hanging from their nostrils.

Had they returned home, which nobody would’ve begrudged, it would’ve jeopardised the TV deal and threatened the game’s only source of income from the broadcasters, hence why it’s no exaggeration we celebrate them as the team that kept the lights on at NRL Central.

It was act of enormous selflessness, especially considering that compared to some of today’s expansion clubs, the Warriors have been long treated like a drover’s dog.

Despite being a satellite outpost fighting bravely in rugby union heartland, the NZ franchise has often been left to fend for itself outside the Australian bubble with nothing but the whiff of a proverbial soup bone and the same number of appearances on free-to-air TV as the Glebe Dirty Reds.

And while churning through 15 coaches and five changes of ownership in 30 years is fairly damning, it’s pretty docile turnover when you’re treated like the bizarro version of the PNG Chiefs.

Who can say how the new franchise in the Pacific would survive with Aussie clubs picking the eyes out of their pathways while offering nothing but weak and fully taxed NZD.

Of course, the Warriors will need to do it on their own in 2026, and much fortune and Bunker variables could scupper it along the way.

But finding the promised land wouldn’t only reward the club for rescuing the game, it’d go a long way to dispelling its reputation as being known solely for fun and wild mullets.