WINE CHATS: Is there anything worse than a mother’s guilt? That nagging feeling you’re not doing it right?

Is there anything worse than a mother’s guilt? That constant, nagging feeling that you’re just not doing it right?

This week on The Nightly edition of Wine Chats, we settle in with a beautiful wine from The Hidden Sea and discuss the times that we’ve felt sick with mother’s guilt over the way we parent.

Missing important events

Billi: I remember a couple of times I’ve driven over here and I’ve felt so sick to my stomach because of the guilt that I felt. The most recent time that I came here, I just remember it so specifically feeling like I am the worst. My older daughter, Eve, had come home with a school counsellor badge because she got to be a school counsellor. She said something like, oh yeah, the assembly was on Monday and I missed it by days! I felt so sick to my stomach because I wanted to see her get up there. It was like one of those, she had changed over from being in the junior assembly to being in the senior assembly. So it was on the wrong day for me. I went running that morning. I didn’t even think about staying for the assembly.

Lyndsey: It took forever for you to actually stop talking about it and not in a bad way, but it was hanging on.

Billi: It was eating at me. I just think of her little face and how proud she would have been and how I should have been there to see, I could cry now, like how I should be there to see her proud little face. Accept the thing that she worked so hard for. But nobody told me and I should have known, but I didn’t because I suck.

Lyndsey: Question. Did anybody tell you and you just didn’t read it? Just saying…

Billi: No. No. Well, maybe.

Lyndsey: Let’s just go with you didn’t know. But it is true. Like it hangs with you forever.

No disrespect to fathers, but…

Lyndsey: I’m going to say something not to be disrespectful or judgy towards fathers, but I really don’t think dads feel, or most dads, majority of dads, however, you want to say it, feel the severity of the guilt that moms do. I really, really don’t. And I think it’s just the way our wiring is. It’s like we created these people, especially considering mums like us.

Billi: Well, we have the time, like you said, we’re stay-at-home mums. We can totally do it. So when I do miss out on something, I keep replaying in my mind. Like, Oh my God, I went running instead. Like how was that even significant in comparison to being there for my child? I felt sick to my stomach.

Lyndsey: And the thing is, is Eve okay?

Billi: She’s fine. She’s fine. But I also think there was a part of her that was like, oh, but you missed it. You know what I mean?

Lyndsey: For me, whenever there’s been a situation, I lay in bed at night, like 99 per cent of the other mums do, going, oh my God, I can’t wait for morning time to just hug my baby. Make them know that I still love them, even though I feel so guilty over something. Meanwhile, they were snoozing away in bed in the morning. They won’t even remember. They don’t even know why I’m upset. But it literally eats at you. It eats at you. It keeps you up at night. It’s like, did I do good enough today?

Billi: Like if something was to happen to them tomorrow, was I a good enough mother? Those kinds of things plague you, they will keep us up at night.

Injured and ignored

Aside from the neverending guilt over things we could have and should have done better, the other guilt that keeps us up at night is when our kids are sick or injured and we just think they’re being dramatic. Kinda like the time Billi’s daughter needed a hospital but was sent to bed by her awesome parents. Don’t panic, she survived (two regional hospitals and an x-ray later.)

Thanks so much for joining us for another great episode here on The Nightly and we hope we didn’t give you anxiety over your parenting. Please join us again next week and until then, cheers and chat soon!