WINE CHATS: The 12 types of orgasm and how to experience them

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT

Did you know there were 12 different types of orgasms you could be having? TWELVE! We thought there were only two — the good kind and the bad.

This week on The Nightly edition of Wine Chats, we crack open an Allegiance Wines Shiraz and splash into the world of pleasure while we give you our “Dear Diary” version of what we’ve tried - and what we will NEVER!

That elusive G-spot

Lyndsey: Bill, apparently there are 12 female orgasms, and this is the way to have them all. Let’s do it. Clit orgasm.

Billi: Wait, I was gonna say, we know the basic ones, right? Clit, boobies…

Lyndsey: Well, nipples.The G Spot.

Billi: Right. I only recently found that. Fascinating spot.

Lyndsey: Can we just have a full episode about this? Because I love this.

Billi: I found out about the G spot with you.

Lyndsey: I know. And I was flabbergasted.

Billi: Well, not with you. We were doing an episode with another person and you guys were talking about the G spot and I’m like, I’ve never come with the G spot because I didn’t know where it was. Anyway, subsequently I have found it. See, this podcast has been very useful for me.

Lyndsey: Okay. So that’s a given. Next, we have a blended orgasm.

Billi: Oh, do tell.

Lyndsey: Blended orgasms occur when multiple areas of your body are being touched and pleasured simultaneously. So like if your little nips are getting twisted while the G spot is being touched.

Billi: But then, wait, I don’t think I’ve ever come with just my nipples.

Lyndsey: Is this like you writing in your diary, like “Dear diary, where’s my G spot? How do I come with my nipples?”

Blend, then multiply and then… ouchie!

Lyndsey: Then it goes on to multiple orgasms. Multiple orgasms can either be sequential or serial or one orgasm after another with no rest in between.

Billi: No, thank you. That sounds very full-on. I’m happy with my one, maybe one and a half.

Lyndsey: I’ve always been baffled, intrigued, and in awe of women that can have more than one orgasm, whether it’s sequential or like boom, boom, boom. How does that happen in one session?

Billi: The thing is, once you have one, you don’t want to go back and build for more. And that’s very frustrating. I mean, look, it can be amazing but only if you’re on a weekend away with no kids and you’ve got nothing else to do and the TV’s broken.

Lyndsey: Next, anal orgasm.

Both: No, thank you.

Billi: No, nope.

Lyndsey: Ouchie.

Billi: Let’s leave that one alone. Just keep moving.

Lyndsey: Okay - a sleepgasm.

Billi: Ooh, is that when you come in your dream?

Lyndsey: No, that’s called a wet dream.

Billi: I’ve had those.

Lyndsey: The sheer power of the brain means that women can orgasm whilst they sleep. And it makes a lot of sense. In your sleep, you are at your most relaxed, aren’t worried about what you look like or about your performance in bed. So in your sleep, your mind can freely explore.

Billi: Who is exploring? I’m sleeping. Nobody’s touching me while I’m sleeping. I throw elbows when I’m sleeping and Henry or Lyndsey are trying to touch me. Why don’t they just call it a wet dream? I have done that. It’s great. No cleanup, no nothing.

At the cervix, make a U turn…

Lyndsey: Cervical orgasm is basically when you get pumped so hard...

Billi: No, thank you. I’ve even had a little bit of my cervix chopped off a few years ago. I had one of those irregular pap smears. So I’m just saying, does that mean my cervix is higher?

Lyndsey: You are divulging…

Billi: Am I on fire today? Is this too far? TMI? Sorry guys. Am I though? No, I think it’s important to share these things as women. I just don’t need my insides being pounded.

Lyndsey: What about the U spot, do you know what this one is?

Billi: The urethra.

Lyndsey: This again, brace yourself.

Billi: We’ve had this massive discussion about where the urethra lies. I know where it is, we just seem to have disagreements about it. It’s up top somewhere.

Lyndsey: Dear diary, make Billi smarter.

Billi: That’s a great orgasm. I’ve had orgasms that way too. That sh*t is amazing. It’s like all around the clit area, right? Like it’s just… I was going to say something really wrong, but I won’t. I will hold it to myself because I’ve already said really wrong things here today. Oh my god. The Nightly is going to fire us.

Lyndsey: Okay, what about an A spot orgasm?

Billi: Oh, now you lost me.

Lyndsey: So, this is called the second G spot. So many letters of the alphabet to choose from. It’s above the cervix in the region of the belly button. But again, how do you get there?

Billi: Exactly. Do you need a torch? A probe? Like how do you find this thing?

Lyndsey: With a penis or a dildo, Billi. And a torch.

Billi: I will try it for you and report back.

Lyndsey: Aim for the belly button.

Gotta catch ‘em all

A few other orgasms to note are exercise-induced (yuck) and ESR (expanded sexual response) orgasms, but we thought we’d wrap it up quickly before The Nightly turned us off. We do hope you enjoyed learning about the ABCs of orgasms.

Please join us again on The Nightly next Friday and until then, do think of us in the bedroom when your fireworks are going off. You can thank us later!