Psychologist’s No 1 non-negotiable parenting rule for happier, healthier kids: It’s ‘very straightforward’

A lot of parents struggle with the idea of giving their kids access to smartphones or other connected devices. How old should they be when they get their first phone or tablet? What parental controls, if any, should you use?

No matter what you decide, you need to follow one “imperative” rule to help your kids grow up to be happy, successful adults, says psychologist Jean Twenge: “No electronic devices in the bedroom overnight.”

“That’s just a situation where there’s, kind of, no argument: ‘You do not need that phone in your bedroom when you are supposed to be sleeping. Period. End of story. Mic drop. We’re done,’” says Ms Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University, whose latest book, “10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World,” was published on September 2.

Ms Twenge has spent much of the past decade warning parents about the risks of giving young adolescents unlimited access to smartphones and social media.

She’s cited research connecting their usage to higher rates of mental health issues in teens, including anxiety and depression.

Some other parenting and medical experts have issued similar warnings: In 2023, then-US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued an advisory warning that the risks of social media and connected devices have helped create “a national youth mental health crisis,” for example.

In her book, Ms Twenge advocates for parents to wait as long as possible before handing over smartphones to their kids, or allowing them on social media platforms.

She recommends keeping kids from joining social media until they’re 16 or older, and from having full access to their own smartphone until they have a driver’s license and are expected to “get around independently.”

But banning devices from kids’ rooms overnight is her No 1 rule because of its potential to improve their sleep habits, she says.

Doing so is “absolutely crucial for both physical and mental health,” she notes in her book.

“If you have the bandwidth to fully follow only one rule in this book, make it this one,” writes Ms Twenge.

“No devices in the bedroom overnight is very straightforward and costs nothing.”

‘Not getting enough sleep is a risk factor’

Devices in bedrooms can easily cut into sleeping time, whether your teen puts off shutting their eyes to continue scrolling through social media or the sounds of notifications keep waking them up, research shows.

More than two-thirds of adolescents surveyed by Common Sense Media in 2023 reported missing out on sleep “sometimes” or “often” due to using phones or other devices late at night in their bedrooms. Overall, 77 per cent of teens get an insufficient amount of sleep, according to data from the US Centres for Disease Control and Prevention.

“Not getting enough sleep is a risk factor for just about everything we’d like our kids to avoid, from getting sick to feeling depressed,” Ms Twenge writes in her book.

Looking at screens in bed is connected to higher rates of mental and physical health issues for adults, too. But healthy sleeping habits are even more important for kids, because their brains are still developing. Sleep can help enable their cognitive development and mental health, including their ability to learn and regulate their emotions — traits they’ll need to develop to grow up and become happy, healthy and successful adults.

“If you can only do one thing, (this rule) might end up making the biggest difference,” says Ms Twenge.

Be honest, but firm

Any of Ms Twenge’s rules will likely be met with resistance from kids, especially teenagers who already regularly use their smartphones and other devices at all times of day, she says. You can more easily implement and enforce these types of policies by communicating them to your kids at an early age, she advises.

Ms Twenge recommends having conversations about the dangers of smartphones — and the need for strict rules around their use — as soon as elementary school. “Kids are getting these devices younger and younger” and your child might have friends who are already using connected devices at that age, she says.

Parents of older kids can also backtrack and put new, stricter rules in place.

That’s what Ms Twenge did with her own three teenage daughters, after initially allowing them to use their laptops overnight, she says. Retroactively establishing strict rules isn’t easy, she adds: “The first few days might be tough, and you might get some slammed doors.”

Her advice is to be transparent, but firm, about your decision process. “You should be honest with your kid (and say), ‘Look, I made a mistake. I now know more, I’ve learned more, and we’re going to do it differently going forward,’” says Ms Twenge.