THEO WOLF: I’ve coached kids who achieved top academic success - here’s 4 things their parents did early on

For close to a decade, I’ve worked with hundreds of students and their parents as an extra-curricular coach at Spike Lab.

I’ve seen my students win major awards, raise venture capital, build businesses and launch impressive projects that helped them stand out in a college admissions process that prizes exceptionalism — both in and out of the classroom. They’ve got accepted into elite universities including Stanford, Harvard and Princeton.

While working with these students, I’ve learned a lot about their family relationships. Here are four things I’ve noticed that their parents do early on.

1. They don’t ‘snowplow’ for their kids

Snowplow parenting is when parents clear a path to make things easier for their kids.

This could be something as small as coordinating logistics with me via email on their kid’s behalf (sometimes pretending to be them), to something as big as writing their kid’s college essay for them.

This well-intentioned but misguided trap prevents kids from developing agency. It teaches them that if they don’t do something, someone else will do it for them.

The most successful kids learn to take ownership, especially when it’s difficult. Instead of snowplowing, be a sounding board and guide that your kid can turn to for help only when necessary.

Let your child face the natural consequences that come from their inaction. They will learn not to make the same mistake again.

2. They respect their kids’ interests

I’ve seen kids with a wide range of niche interests. I’ve watched them create incredible projects that deepen their hobbies in impactful ways, whether it’s building a primary school maths curriculum grounded in baseball statistics or starting a knitting circle for jocks.

While many parents try to push their children in more serious directions, it’s better to let their interests lead the process. You never know what kind of success can come from supporting those passions and helping them flourish.

But not every hobby has to become a passion. And parents should never lead students toward activities just because they think it will look good on college applications.

3. They cultivate independence from a young age

Soccer practice. Singing lessons. Art class. Piano. It’s not uncommon now for primary schoolers to have schedules as packed as high school students.

The result is that children today are busier than ever, often with activities that deprive them of valuable unstructured time. Research has found that the more time kids spend in less structured activities, the more they will develop independence.

Though structure has its place, allowing your kids to be bored and to take ownership of their time from an early age is one of the best ways to foster independence and creativity.

One of my most emotionally mature students walked to school from an early age, which studies have shown has a range of developmental benefits. Even daily quotidian choices like what to wear and what to eat can flex decision-making muscles.

4. They model positive behaviours

One of the single best habits a parent can form is modelling positive behaviours for their children.

Want your kids to not to be addicted to their screens? Don’t be on your phone all the time in front of them. Want them to be active? Let them see you exercise.

Think about the person you want your child to become. Ask yourself: Am I demonstrating those traits in front of them? Is there anything I’m doing that opposes the values I want to pass on?

Be mindful of the examples you set for them. If you want them to grow up to be responsible, purposeful, hard-working, and above all, happy, embody those traits yourself.

Theo Wolf is a writer and educator, with a focus on passion and purpose development in young adults. He is on the founding team of Spike Lab, a coaching program for high school students, and helped build Snowday, a free search engine for high school summer and extracurricular programs. Theo is a graduate of Cornell University and a mentor at Harvard University’s Lemann Program on Creativity and Entrepreneurship.