Dane Eldridge: Balogun’s Trump card the biggest fail in shonky World Cup

The curtains have been drawn on the 2026 World Cup with Spain crowned champions thanks to a laborious 1-0 triumph over an Argentina side so uninspiring it was playing for penalties before the anthems finished.

But while the final was a fizzer, even though its prolonged halftime show may still be running, nothing will change the fact this World Cup was a certified classic.

The expanded 48-team event had everything from athletic feats, cultural milestones and unifying moments of joy — and that was just Erling Haaland’s Instagram.

There was group stage drama, Argentina continually cheating death and a stone-cold banger between Mexico and England, plus the emergence of new superstars like Cabo Verde and the ref who went viral for the ‘cover his mouth’ red card.

Add the dream race for the Golden Boot and the USA getting skittled after getting their hopes up, and you can’t deny the game was the winner.

But sadly, six weeks of magic football was barely enough to overshadow one team’s dedication, that being FIFA and its undying commitment to being shonky at all costs.

FIFA president Gianni Infantino was already known as a notorious operator but he did more than enough during this World Cup to ensure his name will remain forever synonymous — and not because he racked up more appearances than Cristiano Ronaldo and Shakira combined.

What transpired under his leadership in the Americas was not only unprecedented in its shamelessness, it went so unchecked that it’s difficult to envision how any future World Cup could ever be pure again.

It began with obscene price gouging, with everything so overpriced that it cost a kidney to just get to the venue, but only if you could get through customs first.

While Mexico and Canada were model hosts whose only crimes were an underwhelming standard of celebrity, it was the United States that unsurprisingly led the charge in making life difficult at the arrivals gate.

Of course, FIFA had no excuses about border headaches after jumping in bed with Donald Trump, because what else do you expect when you combine a capitalist fascist with the US?

Despite being a country that will search you for a gun and refuse entry if you don’t have one, Trump’s America was always going to randomly deny visas and deport referees and delegates like a conscription lottery even despite knowing that hosting the World Cup would mean, as the name suggests, hosting The World.

But it wasn’t just indiscriminate border control, FIFA also kowtowed to that other great American pastime: schmaltz.

By banishing centuries of sacred tradition for hydration breaks and staging a final over-pimped with an extended halftime show, championship rings and the UFC’s Buffer brothers, it basically guaranteed one of the F’s in ‘FIFA’ now stands for ‘Frat’, but still it was from the tournament’s magnum opus.

This was reserved for Trump’s coercion to overturn Folarin Balogun’s red card, an incident so concerning it even had Sepp Blatter shaking his head.

Whether the US president believes the studs-up rule is soft or he instinctively reacted to a ban on something containing the word ‘gun’, the fact his request was so spinelessly accommodated is the most chilling portent from the last six weeks of malady.

It simple terms, it proves FIFA’s fairweather ethics are so normcore nowadays they don’t even bother covering them up anymore, mainly because either nobody notices, or nobody cares.

Of course, no World Cup has been without some kind of shonkyism, whether it’s the odd political flashpoint or just a host broadcaster fixating a little too creepily on attractive female fans.

But with red-flag factories like Russia and Qatar staging recent tournaments and Saudi Arabia set to host in 2034 — all while FIFA grows increasingly indifferent to its own optics — you’d forgive Kim Jong Un for fancying his chances.

Even the 2030 tournament in Morocco, Portugal and Spain has a stench to it, with critics alleging FIFA has spread hosting rights across numerous continents only to expedite Asia’s spot in the confederation cycle so they can get their mitts quicker on more of those sweet Saudi petrodollars.

Sadly, the problem is the football itself.

Much like rugby league, a sport that’s rolled itself in all manner of bodily fluids over the years, the thrilling standard of the on-field product will always save the game from itself.

And while ever there’s captivating tournaments like 2026, it’ll always be sufficient evidence for an administration rooted in delusion that they are still doing a marvelous job.

In a cycle like this, there’s only so many astute protestations than can be made by Craig Foster before his voice is drowned out by a heap of cracker finishes in extra-time.