How to resign so it’s not awkward and how to deal with counteroffers

You spend more time with your colleagues than you do with some of your friends, sometimes even your family, so deciding to leave your job can feel weirdly emotional.

It’s not just handing in a letter, it’s untangling yourself from relationships, routines and a version of your life that’s been on repeat for months, years or decades.

But as uncomfortable as it feels, resigning doesn’t have to be dramatic, messy or bridge-burning. In fact, done right, it can be one of the most professional, and empowering, conversations you’ll have in your career.

Why resigning feels so awkward

Resigning from a job is rarely just a physical exercise. According to Shane Little, Managing Director of Enterprise Solutions at Hays Asia Pacific, the discomfort comes down to one simple fact: work is personal.

“Employees and employers are both people,” he says. “It’s very difficult not to build relationships.”

Whether it’s your peers, your manager or your broader team, most people form genuine connections at work. Telling someone you’re leaving can stir up emotion on both sides, from guilt and anxiety to disappointment and even hurt. “Awkwardness is probably a good way to describe it,” Mr Little says.

For some, however, it’s more transactional. There are employees who treat work as a means to an end, a job they do to fund their lives outside the office. In those cases, resignation is often less emotional. But Little believes that for the majority, it’s still a deeply personal step.

How to resign the right way

So how do you strike the balance between being warm and being professional?

Mr Little’s advice is simple: focus on the opportunity you’re moving towards, not the frustrations you’re leaving behind.

“The best way to resign is in as professional a way as you can,” he says. “Remove as much of the emotion as possible.”

That means:

• Avoid criticising the organisation or your manager.
• Don’t air grievances in the resignation meeting.
• Keep the conversation centred on your personal growth and next opportunity.

If you have constructive feedback, save it for a formal exit survey or a separate conversation. Raising complaints in the moment of resignation, he says, “doesn’t create the right environment.”

“You might say the culture isn’t the one that will get the best out of you in the medium to long term.”

Making it personal, he warns, tends to increase emotion and defensiveness.

Email, meeting or message?

One rule is non-negotiable: don’t resign by email without speaking to your manager first.

“I would always do it face-to-face,” Mr Little says. In today’s hybrid world, that might mean a video call, but it should be live and private.

He advises:

• Schedule dedicated time with your manager.
• Ensure the conversation is confidential.
• Avoid dropping the news casually or in a public setting.

Resignation can be tough for managers too. “When one of your team resigns, it can be a pretty tough message to hear,” he says.

As for timing, he says some people tend to do it on Friday afternoon, “so both parties have the weekend to think about it and decompress” or Monday morning, “because you get it off your chest and you don’t stress about it for the for the rest of the week” but there’s no universal rule.

“There’s value in all of those strategies. It’s what works best for you.”

Why quitting properly matters

It might feel dramatic in the moment, but the way you leave a job can quietly follow you for years.

“The employment market isn’t finite, and reputations travel,” Mr Little says.

“The reputation you leave behind will have a role to play in your future employment prospects.”

That could mean:

• Needing a reference.
• Wanting to return one day.
• Crossing paths again in a small industry.

Leaving professionally, “with your head held high”, protects your personal brand and keeps doors open.

Stressed about resigning? That’s normal

Resigning is almost always nerve-wracking, even for senior professionals.

Mr Little suggests writing down a few key points beforehand and referring to them if emotions run high. “Don’t try and cover everything in the moment.”

He also recommends being clear in your own mind: Is this a formal resignation you’ll follow up in writing? Or are you having an exploratory conversation and leaving the door open?

They are very different conversations, and require different tones.

The truth about counteroffers

Counteroffers are where resignations get complicated.

Mr Little’s strongest advice? Don’t resign purely to leverage a pay rise.

“If your driving motivation is pay, address that before you enter a resignation process,” he says. Use salary guides, market data and a professional conversation first.

If you resign and your employer suddenly offers more money, he says to ask yourself: why wasn’t that value recognised earlier?

Research conducted by Hays found that around 76 per cent of candidates who accept counteroffers based solely on pay leave within two years.

“More often than not, the employer-employee relationship begins to crack,” Mr Little says. “And often you see that employee leaving within 12 to 18 months anyway.”

However, not all counteroffers are equal. If the offer addresses career development, progression or new challenges, rather than just money, it may be worth considering.

“A counteroffer that is about addressing career development and learning opportunities is a much more important reason to consider staying,” he says.

How employers are responding in today’s market

The resignation conversation has evolved over the past decade.

Mr Little says employers are now far more conscious of compliance and employee treatment, particularly under Australia’s workplace framework governed by Fair Work Commission.

“They’re more professional and more supportive in dealing with resignations now than they were 10 or 12 years ago,” he says.

Employers are increasingly aware that how they treat someone on the way out affects their brand, and whether that employee might return one day.

Still, resignation remains personal. Even seasoned managers can take it hard.

“I remember the first time someone resigned to me,” Mr Little says. “I took it really personally. In hindsight, it had nothing to do with me.”

For employees, that’s perhaps the most reassuring takeaway of all: most resignations aren’t about burning bridges, they’re simply about growth.