Why people cheat on their partners: Expert reveals real reason behind deceit

We tend to think cheating happens when love fades or commitment slips. But there’s a deeper, and surprisingly simple reason behind why so many people stray.

It’s not always emotional neglect or irresistible attraction. Often, it boils down to one overlooked factor: opportunity. When the right circumstances align - a work trip, a late-night chat, a moment of weakness - even solid relationships can crack.

Why people cheat

Cheating is often framed as the final symptom of a broken relationship, with a slow fade of love or intimacy. But according to therapists, infidelity is frequently less about what’s missing at home and more about what suddenly appears elsewhere. When opportunity shows up, even people in seemingly solid relationships can make choices they never expected to.

Lauren Muratore, an accredited psychosexual therapist, says opportunity can be the catalyst.

“I think sometimes it is opportunity. Sometimes it is something’s lacking in the relationship. I think usually it’s a need for, something that’s missing or they don’t feel seen, they don’t feel heard, they don’t feel desired,” she told The Nightly.

She explained that cheating doesn’t always signal a desire to leave a partner, but rather an attempt to avoid uncomfortable conversations or emotional upheaval. For many, ending a relationship feels harder, and more confronting than crossing a line they never planned to cross.

As for why people rarely break up first, Ms Muratore said: “Because it’s challenging. It’s challenging to go through a breakup, or sometimes people don’t even want to break up. Just because somebody might want to look elsewhere or even get emotional, you know, I guess lean into somebody else, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they want to end the relationship. People also, I guess, are afraid of confrontation, afraid of arguing.”

Is sexting cheating?

Situations for cheating vary widely, but workplaces and online spaces often dominate, according to Ms Muratore. “I mean, it’s hard to kind of narrow that in, because, I mean, it’s so varied. A lot of people who do, it’s from somebody from the workplace.”

“Then I also find, which will probably be surprising, is a lot of people do this online. So I guess I call it cyber infidelity. When it’s not really ... it doesn’t end up physical, but I guess the access to obviously the internet and different areas of the internet, people can kind of find what they’re looking for and kind of like whether it’s sexting or even just like talking about the day. And that’s with people in different countries or, you know, people that they’ve never met. So I find that’s a frequent one at the moment.”

Internet accessibility has meant this kind of ‘cyber infidelity’ has exploded: “I think (cheating) it’s always been around, but more people are online. There’s more different social medias like TikTok and Insta and Facebook and Twitter and, you know, so there’s just different avenues to meeting somebody.”

Online judgement after cheating

When cheating scandals spill on to social media, public outrage is often vicious. But why do people get so angry about something that doesn’t affect them?

Ms Muratore sees social media outrage as projection-fuelled. “I guess my suspicion would be that they’ve been cheated on, that maybe they’re projecting their own feelings and their own morals about it, that they wouldn’t want to get cheated on.”“Maybe if they haven’t been cheated on, maybe they’ve done the cheating, and know how much it hurts. My guess is a lot of people project online. And there’s also no consequences - it’s quite easy to give an opinion online without any consequences or really much debate.”

Should you stay with someone who betrayed you?

Despite the common belief that cheating automatically ends a relationship, therapists say many couples choose to stay, and some even rebuild stronger partnerships. Infidelity isn’t always a deal-breaker, around 50 per cent of couples in therapy recover, but therapy can be the key.

“A lot of couples do actually recover from infidelity. The last statistic I read was around 50 per cent of couples who engage in therapy,” Ms Muratore says.

She added that recovery depends on accountability, honesty and both partners being willing to reflect on the relationship’s dynamics.

“It’s really up to the individuals. I don’t think that many people see it as a deal-breaker, I think they see it as an opportunity to re-establish a better relationship and understand what both people could contribute a little bit better. And what they need to change. I guess strengths and weaknesses. Things like that.”

However, she warns that staying together after cheating can often be emotionally demanding and deeply painful.

Ms Muratore says the road can be tough after someone cheats. “The process is quite gruelling, both parties can sometimes be traumatised. Often PTSD is part of an infidelity case.

“So there is a lot of healing, there is a lot of recovery, there’s a lot of apologies. There is a lot of making sense. And then reconnecting, regaining intimacy. like that’s that’s all part of it too, but it can be challenging for a lot of people.”

How do you move on with a cheater?

If you cheated with a co-worker or someone still in the picture, you need to remove that person from your space.

“(You should) close that chapter. So if it was an affair or another relationship that you’d want to close that off. And make sure your partner knows that that’s been closed down. An apology, of course, would need to take place, and that’s quite an in-depth process. It’s not just, ‘I’m sorry, it’ll never happen again’. So that’s something that we look at in therapy,” Ms Muratore says.

Rebuilding trust, she says, is the longest and hardest part of the process.

“Trust building is probably the pillar of it all and that takes time. And that’s probably the biggest thing and the most challenging thing for people is regaining that trust.”

And while some couples consider time apart, Ms Muratore cautions that space can sometimes do more harm than good.

“Breaks can easily lead to breakups. And if you’re wanting to repair, If you’re wanting to repair the relationship, it takes effort. So a break is kind of the opposite of that.”