Golden Globes 2026: Nikki Glaser roast stars in opening monologue, apologises to Leonardo DiCaprio

Comedian Nikki Glaser has reminded Hollywood that no one is safe when she hosts the Golden Globes.

Glaser returned to the Golden Globes as host for the second time on Sunday night (local time) and quickly got to the all-important roasting.

“Welcome to the 83rd Golden Globes,” she said.

“Yes, The Golden Globes. Without a doubt, the most important thing happening in the world right now.

“I cannot believe the amount of star power we have in this room tonight. there are so many a-listers. And by a-listers, I do mean people who are on a list that has been heavily redacted.

“The Golden Globe for the best editing goes to... the Justice Department.

Glaser then delivered what could be her most brutal barb to actor Leonardo DiCaprio.

“What a career you’ve had,” Glaser said.

“Countless iconic performances. You’ve worked with every great director. You’ve won three Golden Globes, an Oscar, and the most impressive thing is that you were able to accomplish all of that before your girlfriend turned 30. It’s just insane.”

The crowd erupted as DiCaprio attempted to smile and laugh before Glaser apologised.

“I’m sorry I made that joke. It’s cheap. I tried not to, but we don’t know anything else about you man,” she said.

“There’s nothing else. I mean, open up. I’m serious. I looked, I searched. The most in-depth interview you’ve ever given was in Teen Week magazine in 1991.

“Is your favourite food still pasta, pasta and more pasta? Look it up. It’s real.”

Turning to George Clooney, Glaser admitted there was a question she had always wanted to ask him.

“I know this is unprofessional,” she began.

“My Nespresso has been coming out kind of watery. I’m wondering is it a pod issue or do you think it might be the filter? Can you troubleshoot it for me?”

Sean Penn was next in the firing line. Glaser said Penn was not just an amazing actor, but also an “amazing humanitarian”.

“A lot of actors talk the talk, but Sean Penn will actually go to the places in the world that need help the most, and he will do cocaine there,” she said with Penn laughing along.

“I feel we don’t celebrate that enough.

“Sean, I did get permission to tell that joke from your two best friends. Charlie Sheen and El Chapo.”

Turning to The Rock and Kevin Hart, Glaser said she loved the duo who starred in Jumanji: Next Level.

“You and the Rock together are my favourite comedy duo. You’re like Steve Martin and Martin Short for people under 50... IQ. We need movies too!

“Jumanji Next Level... Was it?”

Glaser admitted to the crowd that The White Lotus was one of her favourite shows.

Turning to the cast, she said: “Did you guys actually know that White Lotus season three was the first hit show to feature interest since Property Brothers season all of them.”

Glaser moved on to a musical nominee, turning to Ariana Grande.

“Wicked was back with Wicked: For Money,” Glaser joked.

“Ariana, I would listen to you sing the phone book. Actually, grab the one Kevin Hart is sitting on tonight.”

Glaser then targeted a star who has possibly garnered the most awards season buzz, Timothée Chalamet.

“Timothée Chamalet is here for Marty Supreme,” Glaser said, setting herself up.

“What a dedicated performance you gave.

“Not a lot of people know this, but Timothée Chalamet is the first actor in history to have to put on muscle for a movie about ping pong.

“He gained over 60 ounces.

Glaser rounded out her opening monologue roast with some quick fire zingers, with the audience looking fearful that they could be next

“Guillermo del Toro, keep making weird monster sex movies,” Glaser said.

“James Cameron, keep making weird monster sex movies.

“Emma Stone and Yorgos Lanthimos, keep making wonderfully bizarre movies together. Go Harder! I want to see Emma Stone playing a piece of toast with epilepsy.

“Noah Wyle, keep being the only doctor I have seen regularly for the past 35 years.

“Paul Mescal and Jacob Elordi, keep being the same person to my mum.

“Hans Zimmer, keep composing film scores that sound like ‘BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH’. What a bop.

“Clare Danes, keep making noises that sounds like AHHHHHHH, ARGHHHHHHH!

“Lastly, Steve Martin and Martin Short, keep proving to us that in this industry you are never, ever too old to still need money.”

Overall, Glaser nailed her second opening monologue at the Golden Globes.