WINE CHATS: Are you ready to spice up your love life? Here are the top sex rules for couples

Billi Milovanovic and Lyndsey Kirkwood
The Nightly
Are you ready to spice up your sex life? Join Billi and Lyndsey on the couch this week as they chat about sex rules for couples in long term relationships but first, they crack open a bottle of wine and slip into this juicy episode.

Are you ready to spice up your sex life? We got you!

This week on The Nightly edition of Wine Chats, we’re chatting about sex rules for couples in long-term relationships to help you connect with your partner, but first, we crack open a bottle of Little Nipps, ahem, Ripples, and slip into this juicy episode.

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Lyndsey: I’m a bit nervous. I don’t know what we’re talking about today, except all I know is that it’s a sex article that Billi found.

Billi: Yes, I found this great article that’s called 30 sex rules for couples in relationships. Which I think is great for us because we’ve been with our respective partners for 20 years and with each other for 15. So, let me get you some sex rules, gurl.

Lyndsey: Oh my God. We definitely need wine for this. I’m intrigued. I don’t even know, are these things I’m supposed to be doing or not doing?

Billi: I mean, it says rules, but I think it’s just suggestions on how to spice it up a little bit.

Lyndsey: If I need to bend over and do weird things…

Billi: Lyndsay, please, there’s people watching. Be polite. And find porn you both like!

Lyndsey: Right, okay.

Billi: I think this is a pretty important one. Do you watch porn, Lyndsey?

Lyndsey: No, I don’t. Not because I have anything against it, but I don’t. Like, why would I?

Billi: Well, because you’re trying to spice it up. Okay. Look, I think it’s important if you are into porn to find stuff that you like together. What women would want to see in porn and what men want to see in porn are two totally different things. So finding a nice common ground where it’s like romantic, but you don’t see any of the weird bits, you know?

Lyndsey: I don’t want to see romance either.

Are you ready to spice up your sex life? Join Billi and Lyndsey on the couch this week as they chat about sex rules for couples in long-term relationships.
Are you ready to spice up your sex life? Join Billi and Lyndsey on the couch this week as they chat about sex rules for couples in long-term relationships. Credit: photopixel - stock.adobe.com

Billi: Okay. This one I liked. This one made me laugh. Create a sex menu. Now, when you’re in a long-term relationship, especially, when you live together, one of the most common texts you’ll shoot each other’s way is what should we have for dinner? But you should consider texting each other different things. So each partner will write three sexual acts that they would like to do as an appetizer, three sexual acts they would want as a main course. And then naturally three for dessert.

Lyndsey: Nine different acts? I just do one — starfish. Like all the way through the meal.

Billi: Spice it up, gurl. Get yourself a menu. Here is an example sex menu. An appetizer could be a foot massage.

Lyndsey: Oh, I like this appetizer. I was thinking of full-on sex action.

Billi: Don’t be weird. A blindfold, which is, you know, my usual, my standard on the menu. And suck nipples.

Lyndsey: Suck nipples. It’s like little nips. Get your little nips out. Okay, I like the appetizers.

Billi: And then the main course. Oral sex.

Lyndsey: Yeah. This is where I have to bend over.

Billi: Right. Anal sex. You can do whatever you want, this is just an example.

Lyndsey: Can I just say I’m vegan?

Billi: And play with a vibrator. So that’s your main course. Oral sex, anal sex, and playing with a vibrator. Oh, and a dessert is spanking, a back massage and cuddling.

Lyndsey: Oh, I like that one.

Billi: So Lyndsey would have a foot massage, a vegetarian main meal and cuddling.

Lyndsey: Perfect! Dude, I’m all for that menu.

Your body is a wonderland

Billi: This one’s a funny one as well. Make a body map of one another.

Lyndsey: What? What do you mean? Like, does he not know where my bits are? What do you mean?

Billi: What makes sex both engaging and at times redundant in a long-term relationship is how well you know each other’s bodies. I know my husband’s body pretty well. His body is a wonderland and I’ve been there before.

Lyndsey: Eww.

Billi: You know where and how to thrust, which spots are the most sensitive, etc. So, you should probably consider literally writing down what you know, and then figuring out what you can learn by talking about it.

Lyndsey: This sounds lame.

Billi: To start, each person takes turns drawing the other’s body as best as they can. I’m sorry, this is not supposed to be funny, but I just found it hilarious that I’m supposed to then sit with my pen and paper and draw Henry’s body.

Lyndsey: But what’s the point of being rude? What are we doing?

Billi: When you’re finished, start by touching, licking and caressing your partner’s feet. Start with the left foot and ask, does it feel good when I kiss you there? Do you like it when I rub your feet softly? Or do you like it when I rub your feet with more pressure?

Lyndsey: No, I’d rather do the menu thing than this.

Billi: Then work your way up to your partner’s head. You’ll notice they skipped the middle bits. As you move along, each part of your partner’s body, take notes on the drawing. You will be surprised to learn that your partner may have changed over the years.

Lyndsey: Good idea, Billi. Thank you. I will draw a stick person of Cameron later.

Don’t play the who’s-gonna-initiate game

We wrapped it up with a great rule about not fussing over who’s going to initiate sex and another one to wear something sexier than your jammies once in a while. With all this amazing new advice you are armed with, we hope you enjoy your evening activities this weekend and think of us while you… scrap that, don’t think of us, that’s weird.

Join us again for another fun episode of Wine Chats Podcast here on the Nightly next Friday and until then, chat soon!

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