DANE ELDRIDGE: Nicho Hynes having a torrid time in NRL as Cronulla Sharks’ $5 million man

Combining marketability and the catwalk looks of an Amalfi Coast surfer boi, Nico Hynes is nailing everything about being a pro footballer.

Except the football part.

Since becoming the game’s hottest property after surging to the 2022 Dally M Medal on the back of a record vote haul, the Sharks half-back has endured a case of second year syndrome that is now entering its third year, fourth tactical switch and 73rd assurance that a return to form is “just around the corner.”

Cronulla’s gut wrenching loss to Canberra last Thursday night bore no change in fortunes for the 28-year-old, with the defeat featuring the same post mortem on his performance that has become muscle memory for the punditocracy.

While Hynes is a fighter who leaves no stone unturned, critics continue to heap pressure on his game simply because he’s committing two of rugby league’s cardinal sins:

Firstly, suffering a crisis of confidence, and secondly, doing so while picking up a colossal pay packet.

Joining the Sharks in 2022 on a modest deal from the Melbourne Storm - rugby league’s Yale but with barracks - the halfback was upgraded and extended after his Dally M romp to a five year, $5 million deal- and deservedly so.

But after commencing season 2023 where he left off, Hynes tragically rolled the rugby league equivalent of snake eyes:

He became a million dollar man who played poorly for NSW.

Called up to the unforgiving arena of Origin to make his debut as the Blues bench utility, Hynes was savagely axed by coach Brad Fittler after being given a paltry 14 minutes to save NSW while playing in the unfamiliar position of centre- and the Central Coast product’s psyche has been as crumbly as a crouton ever since.

Once he was scapegoated again for another Blues failure in a one-off recall in 2024, not even a drought breaking finals win over the Cowboys later that season for his club could shake the crude accusations of being a big game bottler.

With no end in sight to this narrative and the embattled halfback tied to Cronulla until the end of 2029, many are predicting his monster deal could see the Shire club swallowing the NRL’s latest piece of proverbial chewing gum.

Much like the old wives tale your mum used to preach, many gargantuan long-term contracts in the NRL begin with hope and minty freshness only to slip down the pipe and get stuck in your system for eight years.

Think Anthony Milford at Brisbane, Josh Schuster at Manly and Ash Taylor at the Gold Coast, all prospects who committed on big bikkies only to end up languishing in the marketplace or Blacktown reggies.

Hynes finds himself in the thick of a similar scenario where the anticipation surrounding his signature has now reduced to a week-on-week referendum on his ROI.

A two-time Provan-Summons Medalist who once saved a suicidal person from ending their life, Hynes is massively popular and the kind of star pupil who ensures NRL administrators get a full night’s sleep.

He signs autographs for days and is a champion for indigenous culture, and you’d go a long way to find someone who works harder to bury the game’s reputation for oafish frat behaviour.

But regrettably, heavenly conduct and signed boots are not enough for a rugby league public that abides by its two-speed appraisal model where you’re either a GOAT or a fraud and there’s nothing in between.

Cronulla coach Craig Fitzgibbon has attempted all manner of witchcraft to arrest his star playmaker’s slide down this vortex, not only switching him from halfback to five-eighth but also gradually transferring his status as primary playmaker to the remarkably less expensive Braydon Trindall.

But even with the arrival of boom prop Addin Fonua Blake - a beast-mode specialist that taxies playmakers through any defensive resistance - Hynes’ game remains stalled on the tarmac.

Every week the voices of disapproval are growing louder - and that’s just the ones in his head - with his self-esteem now so violated that even the game’s most accomplished playmaking Jedi “has no idea” how to rebuild his festering mojo.

Speaking after the Sharks toothless attacking display in their round four loss to Canterbury, Andrew Johns sympathised that “when the game was on the line” that we “didn’t see Nicho the last 10 to 15 minutes.”

“Compare a couple of years ago … to where he is now, I don’t know how you build back up to when he was the best player in the comp.”

Put simply, Hynes’ cul-de-sac of doubt can all be traced back to his catastrophic decision to accept bulk kablingey.

Be it the game’s irrational fear of counting past seven figures or just its archaic Dr Evil mindset, million dollar deals in rugby league are virtual blood money and accepting them under any pretenses other than funding PNG to combat China is a terrible idea.

Ben Hunt wore the criticism of Dragons fans for everything wrong at the club for six years simply because he was being paid what he was offered.

David Fifita signed for overs to join the Titans and is still bagged for not having a Johnathon Thurston-like influence despite being parked on an edge for 45 minutes most weeks.

Latrell Mitchell’s every move is over-scrutinised and Reece Walsh gets blamed for wearing sunglasses in the sheds, and despite being yet to set foot in Newcastle, pre-sales on the hammering of Dylan Brown are already exceeding expectations.

Put simply, it’s the same unattainable standards that have stifled Hynes’ game.

And barring a freakish twist in trajectory like a busted Latrell drop-out, we’ll all continue wrestling with the cognitive dissonance of watching the nicest bloke in the game short-change his employer.