MARK ‘SPUDD’ CARROLL: The Ashes Test prankster deserves to have the book thrown at him after security breach

I love a prank as much as the next bloke and don’t want to sound over dramatic, but how in the hell was that bloke masquerading as an Australian rugby league player allowed to get on the pitch before the second Ashes Test in Liverpool?

I was at the ground and thought I was seeing things as the camera panned past the players during the national anthem.

The faces were all recognisable until they got to this dope on the end.

One look at his chassis would have told anyone with a half a clue he was not a professional footballer and had no right to be standing there alongside Cam Munster and his teammates.

And it’s not like he hasn’t pulled this sort of stunt before.

His name is Daniel Jarvis and he’s previously interrupted major international sporting events by dressing up as a competitor and strolling onto playing arenas.

Surely security teams all around the country would know his face by now.

I know nothing happened and everyone had a good laugh, with Munster in on the joke and brushing it off in his typical laidback Aussie style.

I’m not sure I would have been so accommodating.

But what if a person with more sinister motives had infiltrated the field as easily as Jarvis?

The world is full of lunatics and things are particularly edgy at the moment.

You have to be particularly vigilant at events where big numbers gather, like football matches and concerts.

Jarvis made fools of Pommie security and later taunted them on Facebook.

“Just making my debut with the Kangaroos. You would think they would let me play, after all I can avoid other players like I can security,” he wrote.

“Some stadiums’ security are a little bit more wet behind the ears than other ones.”

But the police have had the last laugh and have charged Jarvis over the stunt and put him behind bars until he appears in court today.

The Australian team management deserve answers as to how this was allowed to happen and to get some sort of guarantee security will be tightened at Leeds for the third Test.

But if Jarvis still fancies himself as a footballer, I am more than happy to let him run at me before I leave England.

He won’t get off as lightly as he did on Saturday.

As for the game, Australia’s stroll past England convinced me more than ever the game’s credibility is at stake unless we make immediate changes to our eligibility rules.

How the hell the Poms can be rated a tier one nation and Samoa and Tonga at tier two is a deadest joke and makes a mockery of international rugby league.

Both those Pacific Island teams would devour England and it won’t be long before PNG is giving the men in white a run for their money as well.

England have tried hard enough but have hardly landed a punch on the Kangaroos during this Test series.

The only Englishman who showed any sort of fight was winger Dom Young, even if it did cost him time in the bin for a flare up that was handbags at 10 paces.

His teammates wouldn’t scare Santa Claus.

England are no longer our biggest threats and probably never will be again.

The island nations – along with New Zealand – are Australia’s biggest dangers and I feel it’s time Australian players of Samoan and Tongan heritage were asked to make a decision on where their loyalties lie once and for all.

It will give the international game more credibility and protect the future of State of Origin at the same time.

While I love and applaud what the likes of Payne Haas, Brian To’o and Jarome Luai have brought to the table by turning out for Samoa – not to mention the impact of Tongan stars such as Robert Toia and Stefano Utoikamanu - they can’t continue to have their cake and eat it when it comes to Origin.

As it stands, players from tier two nations can flit between Origin and international football.

You can play for Queensland or NSW and then a few months later tell Australia, “thanks…but no thanks”, when green and gold jumpers are handed out.

Yet, if you’re an Aussie representing England through family bloodlines – hello AJ Brimson and Victor Radley or the Kiwis’ Penrith-born centre Casey McLean - you’re banned from the Origin arena and the $30,000 per game wage that comes with it.

It stinks.

AND DON’T GET ME STARTED

It wasn’t just the on-field action at Everton’s magnificent Hill Dickinson Stadium that caught my attention.

Kangaroos halfback Nathan Cleary enjoyed the post-match celebrations with teammates but saved his biggest smile for girlfriend Mary Fowler.

You may think Spudd is a big old toughie but I’m really a softie when it comes to matters of the heart and it was so nice to see these two embrace and enjoy the moment.

Their love and affection for each other is plainly obvious and they have been open about their plans to unite permanently and start up a family in the near future.

It got me thinking back to a column I penned earlier in the year.

I wrote back in April: “I do know a thing or two about love, having been happily married for more than two decades.

“That’s why I feel well equipped to have a word in Nathan Cleary’s ear and tell him to follow his heart and join partner Mary Fowler fulltime in England.

“The great thing is he doesn’t have to quit rugby league to be with the love of his life.

“He can continue to play professional rugby league in the north of England and be close to Mary as she plies her trade for Manchester City.

“The Penrith superstar could join that rare list of players to claim titles in the NRL and Super League.”

Now, having seen the happy couple in the flesh, I am convinced more than ever Cleary should seriously consider a move to the UK when he’s done at Penrith.

He’s off contract at the end of 2027 and I think that would be the perfect time to make the switch and join Mary in England.

Spudd the Love God gives you his blessing.