WINE CHATS: You poop, we poop, they poop — so let’s talk about it

Billi Milovanovic and Lyndsey Kirkwood
The Nightly
You poop, we poop, they poop - so let’s talk about it. Join Billi and Lyndsey on the couch this week as they explore an interesting article about pooping. What’s normal and what’s not? Let’s get right into it over a lovely bottle of wine.

You poop, we poop, they poop — so let’s talk about it.

This week on The Nightly edition of Wine Chats, Billi found an interesting article about Lyndsey’s favourite subject — pooping! Don’t be shy, we all do it, it’s just that some do it more than others and not everyone’s poop smells like roses. So what’s normal and what’s not? Let’s get right into it over a lovely bottle of Rose.

It’s important to talk about it

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Billi: Let’s talk about poop. Poop is like one of those things that everybody’s, rightly so, grossed out by. But I think it’s important to talk about.

Lyndsey: Okay. Tell us.

Billi: Healthy pooping frequency varies. If you’re concerned about whether or not you’re pooping too little or running to the bathroom far too often, know that there is no set answer to how often you should be pooping. Anywhere between three poops a day to three poops a week can be considered healthy. As long as it’s not too soft or too hard. But fewer than three poops per week means you’re constipated. So it varies, but like, not that much.

Lyndsey: I get cranky if I don’t poop at least once a day.

Billi: I poop daily, like in the morning, straight up.

Lyndsey: A hundred per cent. Yeah. If I don’t have my morning poop, I just feel gross.

Billi: There are seven types of poop. Now, do we need to go through all of this? Do we kind of get the gist?

Lyndsey: Well, I mean, it’s your list. I have no idea what’s on your list.

Billi: I just figured that was one of those things that kids get taught, but we can tell Lyndsey, it’s okay. Type one, separate, hard lumps that are hard to pass. Type two, sausage-shaped but lumpy. Listen, it goes harder to softer. Okay. There’s seven varieties.

Lyndsey: What’s, what is more interesting on this list?

Billi: This was interesting to me. Poop weight varies around the world.

Lyndsey: Oh. Wouldn’t it just vary depending on the person?

Billi: No. Researchers noted that people who ate more dietary fiber, such as vegetables, fruits, grains, nuts, and seeds, tended to have heavier or lighter poops, Lyndsey?

Lyndsey: I would say heavier.

Billi: Very good, Linny. The Canadian education system has not let us down today. And these people were also at a lower risk for colon cancer. So, I mean, if you were ever in any doubt of whether you should eat those types of foods, you should. How long do you think the average bowel movement takes?

Lyndsey: Oh, well, is it a male or a female? Because we all know boys, like, I don’t know about yours, but they go in there and they’re in there forever.

Billi: Yeah, but the actual act of it leaving the body.

Lyndsey: Oh, look, I would think it should only take, like, two minutes.

Billi: 12 seconds!

Lyndsey: Exactly. Like push it out and move on. I mean, that does not happen in my world at all. I just sit there and think that there’s going to be more and I’m on my phone.

You poop, we poop, they poop — so let’s talk about it. 
You poop, we poop, they poop — so let’s talk about it.  Credit: VALMEDIA/Valmedia - stock.adobe.com

Billi: Someone has actually studied this. Researchers concluded that the average time it takes to poop is about 12 seconds. Feces slide along the large intestine by a layer… Okay. We don’t need that.

Lyndsey: That’s too far. Too far. I thought you said interesting facts, not gross.

Billi: Mst people are primed to poop in the morning and there’s a reason for that. Your colon has its own internal clock, which stimulates the release of hormones that trigger contractions in your gut. This all happens at the start of the day, about 30 minutes after waking up. I personally know this because this is what gets me out of bed every morning. It’s so annoying. I just want to sit there scrolling on my phone, but my poop is like, I need to come out.

Lyndsey: Your colon alarm clock is going off.

Billi: And then my butt gets sweaty and then it’s all just a mess. By the time I get to the toilet, I’m a sweaty mess. Need to change my underwear and everything. It’s terrible. Finding out a lot about us today, aren’t you?

Sink or Swim

Billi: Healthy poop should sink.

Lyndsey: Okay. Good to know. ‘

Billi: In general, you want your poop to stay far away from the top of the toilet bowl.

Lyndsey: Yes. Oh, because more fiber cause heavier poops, like with what you said earlier.

Billi: Very good. You should be a medicinal person. Some of the causes of floating poop include the poor absorption of nutrients, too much gas, a gastrointestinal infection, and pancreatitis. Okay, that took a dark turn. If floating poop becomes persistent, you should call your doctor. Don’t listen to us. Go call your doctor. Oh, and this is interesting. How long do you think it takes for food to turn into poop?

Lyndsey: Well, if you ask my children, they think the second they eat it. Like, 24 hours?

Billi: Two to five days. Which doesn’t seem right, does it?

Lyndsey: No way. No, it doesn’t seem right. I disagree. Whoever wrote that is wrong.

Billi: Sometimes you might notice foods like corn showing up and you’re still extremely soon after a meal, but foods that are high in cellulose and therefore difficult for your gut to break down are exceptions and not the rule. So maybe some stuff is processed super quick. So normally it takes six to eight hours for food to be absorbed into the small intestine from the stomach. Then it takes about 36 hours for food to move through the colon.

Lyndsey: I’m baffled by that.

Billi: Last one - fecal transplants may be able to treat certain infections. Where did I just recently watch this?

Lyndsey: What do you mean?

Billi: Oh, I watched a Netflix documentary about it. I wish I knew what the name of it was.

Lyndsey: Like you’re putting your poop into someone?

Billi: Yes. Like your healthy poop into somebody. These people were freeze-drying their poop, blending it up, putting it into capsules and drinking it to help clear their own gut.

Lyndsey: That’s disgusting. But you answered my question because I’m like, how do they, where does the poop go? How do you take it? Fascinating.

Billi: A fecal transplant is the process of transplanting poop from a healthy person into somebody else who typically has an infection or poor gut health with the goal of increasing the amount of healthy bacteria in their intestines.

Lyndsey: Just take a probiotic.

Your poop shouldn’t smell like roses, but it also shouldn’t smell like death

If you’re still with us after this kinda gross but kinda fascinating episode, we wrap it up with explaining that poop should smell bad but not like really bad, so if it doesn’t smell as good as usual, get that sh*t (literally) checked out.

Thanks for being here with us tonight and please make sure you tune in again next week. We’ll meet you at the same time, same place - Friday evening on The Nightly!

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