DANE ELDRIDGE: Sydney freed from Panthers rule, now forced to pick its poison for NRL grand final

Every Sydneysider east of Rooty Hill woke on Monday morning to the scent of revolution on the wind and the imprint of thumb receding from their foreheads.

After four years living under tyrannous Penrith Panther rule, Sunday’s pulsating preliminary final delivered rugby league’s long awaited Freedom Day.

Defeat for the defending premiers not only marked the end of the Panthers dynasty and the dethroning of the Cleary Monarchy, but also gifted the mercy that the NRL would finally crown a new premier for the first time since the pandemic.

But as neutrals flung tickertape from their windows and women kissed dancing sailors in the streets, reality slowly dawned that it wasn’t the sweet relief we’d craved.

Nope, that smell filling our nostrils on Monday was not the winds of change, but an offensive hybrid of Sherrin and Bundy.

In rugby league’s version of Saw, Sunday’s grand final will subject Sydney to the cruel ultimatum of siding with either the Storm or the Broncos.

As we know, NSW has always shared an uneasy relationship with Victoria and Queensland.

In fact, the only common link between the trio after centuries of shared tenancy is Federation and Warwick Capper.

And as we learned during the pandemic, this capital city loyalty pauses for nothing- not even an airborne virus.

But for any parochial Sky Blue rugby league traditionalist, choosing between two interstate News Limited nepo babies is a doggone deal so low that it could only be sweetened with a complimentary lobotomy.

While the reasons are many and varied, NSW repels the Storm and the Broncos mainly because they’re unedifyingly good at beating us at our own game.

The Broncos have squirreled our trophy across state lines six times in their short history, while Melbourne have won the same in an even shorter span, albeit two were chalked off for outrageous salary cap rorts.

However, as much as both of these satellite organisations grate against every sensibility in Sydney’s heart, there is one clear choice for Sunday.

State based allegiances and confected anger aside, rugby league hasn’t anointed a premier outside the Penrith/Melbourne/Roosters triumvirate since the Sharks broke their drought in 2016.

That’s eight seasons of Penrith’s movie themes, snide Roosters superiority and listening to insincere Victorians celebrate their ‘rugby champions’- and frankly, we can’t risk it again.

So for one week only, if only to avoid the Russian roulette of hearing one of these team songs banged out on the esky again, Sydney is Broncos’ territory.

Yes, it’s a predicament foul enough to force a New South Welshman to Auckland.

But thankfully, unlike previous Brisbane premiership sides gauzed-up to the molars with Origin stars and hubris, this Broncos outfit is somewhat palatable.

If you squint hard enough or ingest some kinda serum, you can almost see this Queensland outfit is three-fifths sky blue anyway.

With Michael Maguire and Adam Reynolds at the helm and Payne Haas and Kotoni Staggs clearing land before them, it’s virtually David Crisafulli’s front bench filled with Chris Minns’ staffers.

Better yet, Maguire’s side boasts a charming resolve that has seen them rebound from all manner of adversity: a 14-0 deficit to Penrith, 28-12 to minor premiers Canberra and even Reece Walsh’s TikTok feed.

For the uninitiated, Walsh is what scooter trance music would be if it was a person - and surely there’s inherent appeal in spending a night on the right side of one of his headbutts.

But if this still insufficient to side you with Brisbane, then consider the humanitarian reasons.

Wouldn’t anyone with a heart like to see Ben Hunt get his life back?

In a warning of the dangers of blending heartache with sun exposure, many fans in Brisbane still hold his infamous knock-on in the 2015 grand final as chiefly responsible for everything wrong with the club from its title drought to the Jack Bird deal.

A premiership would finally bury the nuggety utility’s nightmare- but it’s still not the most appealing factor about the Broncos.

NSW loves an underdog, and history shows Brisbane are the Cinderella story of this decider.

Sure, it’s perverted to frame a club as the little guy when it boasts six premierships and shareholders, but considering this is Storm coach Craig Bellamy’s 11th grand final, the Broncos look like the Parkes Spacemen in comparison.

In summary, for a fickle Sydney market breaking free from Stockholm Syndrome, we’ll take anything different on Sunday- even if it tastes like rocket-fuel rum.

Consider NSW as Little Brisbane for one week only, but only to cure our boredom and give the trophy engraver a spell from writing lines like a naughty student.

Once it’s done, let’s all take an acid shower and never speak of it again.