WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS CONTENT WHICH MAY DISTRESS SOME READERS.

Former NRL forward Kane Evans has publicly come out as gay, sharing his story in a candid and emotional interview in which he also detailed his struggles with drug and alcohol addiction.

Speaking with James Bracey on Nine’s 100% Footy, the former Roosters, Eels and Warriors player opened up about some of the darkest periods of his life, including a stint of homelessness earlier this year and the long-running suicidal thoughts he has grappled with since his teens.

“I had three goals in life: to play NRL, to buy my parents a house, and then I wanted to top myself,” Evans said.

“Because I was living in denial, from a young age I know that I’m gay but I went down every other avenue to build up these walls to be someone to escape who I am.

“I still can’t believe I’m here talking to you, this is definitely my worst nightmare, but I know if I surrender, it’s the start to a new life. I’ve been fighting a war within since I was about 15 years old, and it’s not sustainable.

“I was sleeping in parks, doing drugs, trying to ultimately pass away so I didn’t have to come to this. But I know there are people struggling with the same struggle I’ve gone through, so I’m very blessed that I can come here and talk to you and be able to save a life or two.

“I’ve carried that around my whole life but I’m here today to show people you don’t have to live like that. Even now I feel more free just by saying it out loud. I’ve brought it to light.”

Evans said he had been blackmailed over his sexuality for years, leaving him feeling deep shame, fear and guilt.

“Now I’ve come and spoken about it, they’ve lost their power,” he said.

“Coming and just speaking today, fear shame and guilt, I’ve cut ties with all that, and I feel peace within, and I feel a weight has lifted off my shoulders.”

The 34-year-old said his struggles with alcohol intensified during his time in New Zealand, as he lost his sense of identity both on and off the field. After his aggression escalated, the Warriors released him early which was a turning point that led to his move overseas.

At Hull FC, his drinking continued to spiral and his contract was eventually terminated six months ahead of schedule.

Returning to Australia, Evans opened a cafe with a friend, but inexperience left him with debts of about $50,000. When the business collapsed, he was left homeless, couch-surfing and sleeping rough.

“I started going down a slippery slope, numbing myself with alcohol and drugs,” he said.

Looking back, Evans said he had been masking deeper issues. “I was using every outlet I could until I ended up homeless,” he said.

His turning point came when RLPA transition manager Joe Galuvao reached out. “You deserve to live a good life. You deserve healing,” Evans recalled him saying: “I sat there and thought about it: why do I deserve healing or a good life?”

Evans then entered rehab, where support from former Roosters coach Trent Robinson proved pivotal, assuring him the club was behind him.

Just a week after leaving, Robinson hosted Evans at club headquarters and offered to cover the cost of his ongoing mental health treatment. He also personally paid four weeks of Evans’ rent as he got back on his feet.

Now more than 130 days sober, Evans is working through a fresh challenge as his mother battles through illness.

He also revealed he had not formally come out to his parents before the interview, but planned to speak with them before it aired. “I love my mum and dad so much and they know, but I need to tell them. It has to come from my mouth,” he said.

“My mum, she’s ill at the minute, but I’ve got so much love for them. By the time this airs I would have told them already, and I can’t wait for that moment because then I’ll be free. I feel free now but once I tell them I’ll be free. Nothing will stop me after that.”

Lifeline: 13 11 14.