Conclave movie review: Papal election story had no right to be this thrilling and funny

In the past 50 years, there have only been two papal conclaves and the whole process remains shrouded in mystery and mysticism.

For the lay person, it comes down to one thing — what colour is the smoke?

Likely no one but the most ardent believers would consider the papal conclave to be some divine event in which god’s hand guides the decision of who should be their next representative on the mortal coil.

We all know it’s political, right? That there’s as much strategising, campaigning and machinations as any election. For god’s sake, the voters, as in, the cardinals, are called electors and power is the main game.

Conclave puts to bed any doubt that there’s anything holy about the process. The cardinals may be enrobed in gold threads, heavy brocade and righteousness, but they play dirty, just like everyone else.

So, yes, a movie about a papal conclave? It’s entertaining as hell, and worthy of inclusion on hallowed lists of the best political thrillers and satire.

The awards season contender Conclave has quite the mass of talent. It stars Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, Isabella Rossellini and John Lithgow, and was directed by Edward Berger, the filmmaker behind the excellent 2022 German version of All Quiet on the Western Front, and was adapted from a Robert Harris novel.

After the pope dies from a heart attack, it’s the job of Cardinal Thomas Lawrence (Fiennes) to run the papal conclave to elect his replacement. They descend in a wave of red cloaks, in twos, threes and more. Some of them get their last vape in before they’re sequestered for their heavenly task.

There are four leading candidates – the moderate Canadian Tremblay (Lithgow), the liberal American Bellini (Tucci), the Nigerian social conservative Adeyemi (Lucian Msamati) and the Italian arch-conservative Tedesco (Sergio Castellitto).

Bellini, with whom Lawrence is aligned, doesn’t want to be pope, but not as much as doesn’t want Tedesco to drag the Catholic church back to the Dark Ages, so he reluctantly agrees to put his name forward to block the reactionary.

There are scenes of whispered plotting, opposition research, betrayal and the airing of much dirty laundry. If House of Cards was still going, its writers could take a beat from Conclave.

As delicious as all that is, what’s really intoxicating about Conclave is actually how impressive it is from a filmmaking perspective. This is an extremely well-made film that unapologetically says, “Look how much work we put into this”. It paid off.

There’s a cavalcade of rituals and traditions in the actual election, which Berger visually rejoices in at every turn. For audiences who really appreciate the idiosyncrasies of ornate production design, it’ll make you literally giddy.

Your heart will jump at the close-ups of the thread binding their votes, the detail of the stationery on which each name is written (you can almost discern the GSM of the card), the symmetry of the table arrangement (Wes Anderson, eat your heart out).

It’s all so baroque and yet irreverent, from the costume design and the expert editing to the gorgeous mise-en-scene (one slow-motion scene that’s also in the trailer looks as if it could be a Renaissance artwork hanging in the Uffizi Gallery).

A movie about a papal election had no right to be as thrilling, funny and dramatic as Conclave, so thank god it is.

Rating: 4/5

Conclave is in cinemas on January 9.