CNBC: Kamala Harris says these 4 lessons from her mother helped her succeed — parenting experts agree

Vice President Kamala Harris credits her success, in part, to the advice she received throughout her life from her mother.

Harris, who accepted her party’s presidential nomination at the Democratic National Convention on August 22, frequently invokes life lessons from her mother during her political speeches. One piece of advice she mentioned on Thursday night was her mother’s insistence that her daughter “never do anything half-assed,” Harris said.

Harris is the United States’ first-ever woman, Black American and South Asian American to serve as vice president. Her mother, Shyamala Gopalan, was 19 years old when she left India for the US. Gopalan earned a Ph.D. at the University of California, Berkeley before embarking on a career as a breast cancer researcher. She died in 2009.

Gopalan’s advice, as shared by Harris, largely falls under the “authoritative” style of parenting, which involves frequent communication and setting “clear rules and expectations” for your children, child psychologist Francyne Zeltser wrote for CNBC Make It in 2021.

The advice is also, for the most part, expert-approved. Here are four pieces of guidance Harris received from her late mother, which she’s said helped shape her own career success.

‘Never do anything half-assed’

Harris has shared this blunt advice from her mother before. On the night she accepted her nomination, she said it inspired her to dedicate herself fully to pursuing a law career, becoming a prosecutor to help “protect people.”

“At a young age, I decided I wanted to do that work,” said Harris.

Children who learn to fully commit to their goals, and who don’t give up at the first sign of difficulty, are more likely to achieve those goals on their way to long-term success, research shows. And parents who praise their kids’ effort, even more than the results, teach them that they’re strong enough to handle failure and bounce back, psychotherapist Amy Morin told CNBC Make It last year.

“Make sure they know that you’re just as impressed that they’re out there and trying and hustling hard,” Morin said.

‘Never let anyone tell you who you are, you show them who you are’

Harris credits her mother’s advice, which she repeated at the DNC, for giving her the confidence to ignore doubters throughout her career.

People often tried to dissuade her from seeking an opportunity because she was “too young” or “no one like you has done it before,” she told MSNBC in 2021.

“I’ve heard all of those things many times over the course of my career, but I didn’t listen,” Harris said.

Mentally strong children don’t succumb to peer pressure or let other people define them, and they’re typically better equipped to confidently handle life’s challenges, Morin told Make It.

“The big part of mental strength is knowing, ‘I’m in charge of how I think, feel and behave, regardless of what’s going on around me,’” said Morin.

‘Never complain ... do something about it’

Harris cited this quote from her mother on Thursday, too. In the past, she’s said that it came from her mother’s refusal to allow her children to endlessly complain without coming up with a plan of action for themselves.

“If you ever came home complaining about something, our mother would look at you with a straight face, one hand probably on a hip, and she’d say, ‘Well, what are you going to do about it?’” Harris told MSNBC in 2020.

Parenting experts generally advise against coddling your children, which could make them less likely to develop important traits like resilience and self-motivation. They also recommend against being harsh and instead suggest finding a middle ground where you can hold them accountable for the clear expectations you’ve agreed upon.

“When you trust kids to make their own decisions, they start to feel more engaged, confident and empowered. And once that happens, there’s no limit to what they can achieve,” author and parenting expert Esther Wojcicki wrote for Make It in 2022.

‘You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?’

The viral “coconut tree” quote might be the most widely known piece of advice Harris says she received from her mother.

“My mother used to — she would give us a hard time sometimes, and she would say to us, ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with you young people. You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?’ You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you,” Harris said in a now-viral video clip, recorded during a 2023 White House event.

Harris’ mother was again demanding accountability from her children — by insisting they think about themselves, and their individual problems, as existing within a much larger context.

Open-mindedness and empathy are key traits of the kind of emotional intelligence that kids need to become mentally strong, according to experts like Morin and parenting coach Reem Raouda.

Emotional intelligence skills “are key predictors for happiness and success,” Raouda wrote for Make It in February.

This article first appeared at CNBC and was reproduced with permission.