DANE ELDRIDGE: Brendon McCullum’s arrogance knows no bounds after shocking first Ashes Test defeat

It’s apparent Bazball’s mindset for hostility also extends beyond the playing arena, and we’re not talking about Ben Stokes having a night on the town.

Not only clumsily aggressive out in the middle, England are also just as fierce in their dedication to sinking themselves with their own doomed ideas.

Despite their graphic self-destruction in the first Test, coach Brendon McCullum will continue full steam ahead with dogma before discipline and good times over tight lines.

While admitting “we’ve got some work to do”, England’s coach confirmed in the aftermath of Perth that “one thing we won’t be changing is our blueprint”.

Aussie fans will love hearing the opposition coach bombast that he “won’t back down” while amid the nuclear fallout of his own atomic failure, even though it means Test matches will soon be wrapping up so quickly that T20 will become known as the longer form of the game.

But to England fans, McCullum’s refusal to budge firms as another Ashes wasted.

While most coaches would take pause amid such carnage to address the string of self-inflicted crimes that fuelled their downfall — or just find a way to blame it all on Zak Crawley — McCullum merely twirls his finger in the air and gestures for another round of the same.

And to be frank, it should no longer come as a shock.

It makes England’s 2017 preparation of horsing back tequilas and headbutting Cam Bancroft in a nightclub look like a nine-hour net session at altitude.

The former wicketkeeper may be Mensa-grade in the cavalier arena of white-ball cricket, but Test cricket is a more nuanced exercise akin to extracting head lice.

Much like removing nits, the longer form is painstaking and demands a steady hand, whereas McCullum hits them with a flamethrower before assuring the melted head he’s “saving the concept of scalp care”.

And because he is an iron-willed ideologue with a 100 per cent record of agreeing with himself, this will never change.

After all, this is the guy who was bowled skipping down the wicket to a rampaging Mitchell Starc in the first over of the World Cup final and claimed afterwards it was a “bad shot” but “not a bad idea”.

He’s even so sure of himself after the Perth disaster that he won’t conscript his frail side to take part in the pink ball practice match in the ACT, instead instructing his players to look for their off stump on the beach in Noosa.

It makes England’s 2017 preparation of horsing back tequilas and headbutting Cam Bancroft in a nightclub look like a nine-hour net session at altitude — but it’s not the most frustrating aspect of the coach’s intractable game plan.

Nope, McCullum’s myopia means he can’t see the golden opportunity in front of him — a creaky Australian side that is indisputably ripe for the taking.

While a stirring win for the ages by the hosts, Australia’s 1-0 lead can be attributed to two factors — Mitchell Starc and Usman Khawaja’s decision to play golf.

Without the heroics of Travis Head filling in for the injured opener and the tireless work of their pace spearhead, this was another performance from Australia that papered over their ever deepening wrinkles.

Their top order is still susceptible, the cartel is in flux, and the side has the median age of a Victorian era butter dish.

But when the upper hand beckoned for the tourists at lunchtime on day two, instead of shelving their impulses and grinding Australia in to the dust, Baz’s boys opted for more bad ideas.

Driving on the up is the second dumbest thing you can do in Perth outside of buying a round of $9 lattes, but here was England committing the crime with such repetition you’d swear they were receiving a cut of the day three refunds.

Now much like Amazing Adelaide in 2006 when England had Australia on the ropes before capitulating, this side will suffer the same 5-0 fate unless the coach reviews his policy of unaccountable fun — which he definitely won’t.

This was supposed to be Bazball with brains, but there’s only one difference about McCullum’s team this time around.

It’s definitely reduced its rate from 4.7 to 4.3 — but that’s not its run rate, but it’s IQ.