THE FRONT DORE: Why Anthony Albanese is the Raygun of Aussie politics, missing a beat and spinning on his head

Anthony Albanese is the Raygun of Australian politics.

He pulled out all the right moves to get the call up for national duty, looks pretty snazzy in the green and gold tracksuit, but can’t quite nail the routine on the big stage.

Our iconic B-girl is all bunny ears, kangaroo hops and body drops. DJ Albo is all talk, Labor chops and policy flops.

Naturally, Albanese is a fan of our unlikely Olympics breakout star. “Participating in sports, that’s a good thing.” Raygun “had a crack … she’s had a go representing our country, and that’s a good thing” too. “I’ll be there to welcome” her and our Olympic team home this week “and that will be a good thing.”

Go you good thing.

What’s not so good is a few things.

Albanese is big on truth-telling. That’s a good thing. In principle.

Albanese’s truth is worth telling. On the economy. On cost-of-living. On industrial relations. On the resources sector. On the environment. On indigenous affairs. His truth and our lived experiences are very different things, and not good things. Raygun is bad at breaking, according to Olympic judges, and in the eyes of Australian voters, Albo is breaking bad.

When it comes to the genesis of truth-telling itself, that admittedly sincere but now meaningless term that reached its gold medal moment in the Uluru Statement from the Heart, Albanese is all bunny ears and crocodile tears.

On election night, and literally without warning anyone, least of all voters, Albanese stood in victory as Makarrata Man, promising a Voice, a Treaty and formal truth-telling body, a Makarrata Commission, where indigenous leaders could settle some old colonial scores.

Most Australians had no clue what the hell Albanese was talking about, but his truth was that we had actually all been talking about it, were fully across it, and wanted to vote it into our constitution ASAP.

Middle Australia introduced itself to Albanese a year later at the Voice referendum, and it was at this moment the PM would have first realised the ironic hipsters at the Marrickville bowlo may not share the same truth as the old dears down at the Mollymook seniors club.

Like all seers, Albanese quickly embraced a new truth. And last week he snuggled into his skinny jeans and battered Blundstones, beer-stained and bruised from all those big nights listening to bands at the Petersham, and took his VIP jet up to the Northern Territory for the Garma festival.

If you’re not familiar with it, and that’s everyone who has never found Radio National on the dial, think ABC’s Q&A, with red dirt and even fewer Coalition voters.

Albanese previously promised to these very Indigenous Australians at Garma that he would deliver their Uluru Statement “in full”, only to kill it forever by putting on such an inept referendum performance that even Raygun would have been embarrassed.

Like Raygun, Albanese is spinning on his head and landing on his arse.

Rather than personally apologise, Albanese told his new truth.

Unwilling to say exactly what he is doing: walking away from the Uluru Statement “in full” — I will not be pursuing a Treaty; nor will I be setting up a Makarrata Commission — Albanese instead says, yeah Treaty is now a state thing.

He promised a Treaty. Wore the T-shirt proclaiming it. Now pretends it was never on his agenda.

It’s humiliating in its cruelty to Indigenous Australians. But also mischievous for the rest of the country, knowing there will be precedence, and almost no serious scrutiny on state treaties.

And as for the commission he was all down for, well now, “with regard to Makarrata, it’s a Yolngu word that simply means, coming together after struggle …” Mob, let’s all have a bit of a chat about stuff hey.

Indigenous leaders believe “commission” is an English word that actually means coming together to name, blame and shame.

Albanese is focusing on Makarrata, and pretending the “commission” part doesn’t exist, and indigenous leaders feel like he’s tricking them all over again.

He should never have made the promise in the first place. He could never deliver it, and he should have known that.

He is so shameless he talks about truth-telling while engineering a new take on his truth based on whatever he can sneak past whoever is listening at the time.

Albanese is convinced he is the political reincarnation of Bob Hawke, with an innate understanding of ordinary people.

In reality, he is so out of step with middle Australia. He thinks he is of the time. But in truth, two-thirds of Australians aren’t interested in the world he lives in. Most wouldn’t even recognise it.

They don’t know what Garma is, they absolutely don’t want to sign up to a Treaty, state or federal, and they don’t give two stuffs about Makarrata or a commission where non-Indigenous Australians will be asked to load up on 200 years of guilt and unload their wallets to pay for it.

What they do care about is how Anthony Albanese runs the economy.

People may not be tuned into the ins and outs of who or what is responsible for high inflation, high interest rates and runaway cost of living but they know who to blame for it. And when Albanese gets schooled on economics by the other Stefanovic, you can be certain middle Australia is on to the PM as well.

Albanese is not telling the truth when he talks about the economy.

It may be his truth, because it’s drilled into him by political operatives, but his anti-intellectual spin is the closest thing to horseshit any prime minister has ever uttered about something as serious as the economy.

Prime ministers have always defended their policies, backflipped on them when they needed to, but few have ever denied they even existed, like he’s doing with Indigenous policy, or say that black is white, like he is doing with economic policy.

Albanese wants us to believe that governments pouring more money into the economy is not inflationary, that giving people more money to spend doesn’t fuel inflation. The experts, including the RBA, disagree. He says they don’t disagree. They do.

He believes a budget surplus drives down inflation as a matter of fact. When government spending is growing, as it is, and is driving demand, it does not.

He believes giving workers a pay rise or a small one-off rebate on the electricity bill, which has gone up fourfold, lowers inflation. It doesn’t.

It does either the opposite or fiddles with the figures rather than the underlying problem. In short, the rebate is a little trick.

One that isn’t working.

When the RBA’s economic experts state their truth about the Government’s policies, Albanese insists it’s also his truth, too. It isn’t.

“Public demand is forecast to be stronger than previously expected, reflecting the recent public spending announcements by federal and state governments,” the RBA says. Could not be clearer.

Albanese: We agree inflation needs to come down.

Not what we were talking about.

But the RBA says inflation is not coming down, and one reason is because of your spending policies.

“That’s not what they’ve said.”

It is exactly what they’ve said. And around in circles we go.

Like Raygun, Albanese is spinning on his head and landing on his arse. PM ex DJ Albo is missing the beat and we are paying the price.

Albo and Raygun might be ironic cult heroes in some circles but what is absolutely certain, their dopey moves will not pay the bills.