Break-up day: Experts explain why you are most likely to be dumped on December 11

It’s the most wonderful time of the year — unless you’re about to get dumped.

For some the silly season is a blur of parties, date nights, presents, summer picnics and aggressively in-love (read: cringey) couple shots on Instagram.

But couples beware: December 11 is also known as break-up day – and according to data it’s the one day of the year you’re most likely to get dumped.

But there’s real reason relationships tend to crumble like Santa’s half-eaten cookies just before Christmas.

Psychologists say the festive season is a prime time for heartbreak and tears, with end-of-year stress, financial pressure, family tensions, social media comparisons and unwanted holiday togetherness blamed.

DECEMBER DUMPING

Beneath the joy of festive season, relationship tensions often simmer and can crack at the most inconvenient of times, like right before you meet up with that family member that keeps telling you “you’re next,” while screaming children high on sugar, run around you – otherwise known as Christmas Day lunch.

Strains can arise from a mix of personal dynamics and outside influences, including extended family interactions.

Break Up Day, or December 11, was coined in 2008 after Information Is Beautiful revealed it was the peak day for Facebook users to change their relationship status to single.

The initial US study by the data-visualisation website revealed couples were most likely to call it quits in the middle of Thanksgiving and Christmas – hinting at a desire to call time before another big holiday celebration.

A more recent study of social media data - from dating app Flirtini in 2024 - found that three in four people had experienced a break-up during the December holiday season.

MERCY CALL

Rebecca Pinkus, senior lecturer at the University of Sydney, says breaking up on December 11 is an act of mercy.

“During that time, stress, tensions, or conflict may have arisen with their partner, or their partner’s friends and family or their own friends and family about their partner, which elicited doubts about continuing the relationship,” she said.

“The weight of end-of-year stress, financial pressure, family pressure, and so on may prompt them to think about whether their current partner is meeting their expectations or not, and if they think it’s time to move on, they might prefer to do so before big holidays like Christmas and New Year’s Day so they don’t seem cruel or insensitive.

“For other people, the timing might be in anticipation of having a holiday season break coming up that gives way to a period of reflection. Maybe they are not quite where they expected to be at this stage or maybe they’ve compared their relationship with those of others, who might be posting a lot of cosy relationship content on social media.”

While the break-up can seem like a bolt out of the blue, in reality one partner has often been mentally checking out for months or years before making the move, she said.

“Relationship satisfaction in committed relationships declines anywhere between six months and 1.5 years before a break-up,” Dr Pinkus said.

While December may be for break-ups, January is for divorce lawyers.

Across Australia, enquiries at legal firms spike immediately after Christmas Day - so much so that January 6 is nicknamed Divorce Day.

The holiday pressures of family dynamics, financial stress, and concentrated togetherness often push strained relationships to breaking point, especially for women in their 40s.

Family lawyer Chloe Cleaver says she’s even received calls on Christmas Day.

“It was (the case of) a shocking Christmas Day and this woman going ‘I’m out. I need to engage a lawyer,’” she said.

Family lawyer Kirsty McLeod said there was a consistent influx of new clients over the New Year.

“Our stats show that January and February continue to be our busiest months,” she said.

HANDLING HEARTBREAK

Dr Pinkus says it’s important to take the time to “grieve the relationship,” not just bury it under holiday cocktails.

“Trying to distract yourself by putting the relationship out of your mind might help for a short while, but inevitably thoughts about the relationship will come flooding back,” she said.

Research shows that writing a journal can help after a break-up. In a 2009 study by Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist and professor of psychology in the US, people who wrote for 20 minutes a day, for three days, about the positives of their past relationship reported feeling better over time than those who focused on the negatives.

“Drawing on close relationships with supportive friends and family can be comforting to some people, whereas others will prefer solitude and having some time alone with their thoughts or pouring their energy into creative activities or practical tasks,” Dr Lewandowski reported.

If you’re feeling a little tense in your relationship right now, you’re not alone.

“The end of the year is a time to reflect, and should be about doing a “psychological stock take”, looking back at achievements goals and aspirations, according to Dr Pinkus.

“For some people, that will mean realising that their relationship is not working or their partner is not the right fit. They could take this opportunity to communicate openly and honestly with their partner about how they are feeling. If they’ve decided that it’s not something that can be worked out, then it might be best to start the New Year with a clean relationship slate.

So, whether you’re loved-up or starting to feel that familiar festive conflict, this might just be the perfect time for a relationship check-in or check out.